To the Bride and Groom!

wedding speeches

Wedding Speeches and Jokes

Quite a few wedding books have been crossing my desk lately. I have a kid getting married soon, so I am all about checking out wedding books. My own wedding, a thousand years ago, was pretty simple. i don’t even remember if anyone made a speech. Probably someone should have been aware of a book like this. i actually have had a few reference questions over the years where someone had to write and deliver a speech, so these kind of books are pretty well used. Aside from the crappy illustrations, it is pretty basic. Extra points for having a couple of ready made scripts for the totally clueless. Best part: the back cover that hypes the discreet pocket size of the book.


back cover

sample speeches

wedding jokes



  1. How funny that it’s so British! I can just imagine an American groomsman standing up and going on and on about his friend ‘taking a fancy’ to a certain woman “in my drawing room”… 🙂

  2. The idea of a book like this is a good one but, because it’s 30 years old and British, it wouldn’t be a good fit for an American library. No one here would talk about ‘drawing rooms’ or ‘washing-up’.

    It’s also dated for the modern UK because the specimen speeches would have been at least 20 years out of fashion at the 1990 publication date. I remember an article in ‘Punch’ from the early 1970s that bemoaned the poor quality of amateur speeches at events such as Weddings.

    The illustrations are combinations of classic early computer clip art.

  3. Those specimen speeches, I fear, were intended to be good examples but just come off as super cheesy today…. and I don’t get the “gaining a telephone” line in father of the bride #1….

    1. All I can think of is that he will have to use the telephone now to talk to both of them. Maybe a post office joke, if BT hadn’t been spun off by then?

      1. No, the joke is that women tie up the phone yakking and now he’ll be able to make a phone call. Yuk yuk yuk.

      2. I think it was from the days when a residential telephone was very difficult to get in the UK. (Business telephones were probably hard to get, too, but I never had any experience with those.)
        When I lived there, in the late 70’s-early 80’s, few of my friends had a telephone. It was necessary to walk down the street to a red public phone box. In Sheffield, while the Yorkshire Ripper was active, all women and girls were warned not to go out alone after dark, so making an evening telephone call involved getting friends to bundle up and come along in the winter, when the sun went down quite early.

    2. I think he means that now that his daughter is married, she won’t be tying up Dad’s telephone anymore talking to her boyfriend/fiancé. He now has full use of the phone for himself, so he’s “gained a telephone”.

    3. It’s a joke about girls always being on the phone (in the days when you had one landline in the house, not a mobile phone per person). So now his daughter’s leaving home, he can get the use of the phone again.

  4. How apropos — today is (would have been?) my wedding anniversary for my first marriage. But I don’t think the uninspiring speeches and “jokes” would have helped that relationship any.

  5. Only because it’s the third time this week and I’ve got to vent to SOMEONE:

    discreet: intentionally unobtrusive.
    discrete: individually separate and distinct.

    I don’t think there were any speeches at my wedding: $11.98 for the wedding dress on clearance, catering by my 14 year old nephew who was a wonder with cold cuts and toothpicks, my sister’s living room, and 10 guests.

    1. Thanks for the catch. I never really did understand the difference. Now, if I could only get there, their, and they’re correct. 🙂

      1. They’re is the easiest, since it is clearly a contraction. Their has an _I_ in it, and if it is “theirs”, they will claim it by saying “_I_ own that”.

  6. I haven’t been to a wedding in forever, but I certainly hope speeches don’t start with ladies and gentleman anymore. That’s way too formal.

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