The Unhappy Gays

unhappy gays cover

The Unhappy Gays
What Everyone Should Know about Homosexuality

Most of you should be familiar with Tim LaHaye, author of the Left Behind series of books. This evangelical Christian minister wrote this in the late 1970s, not so coincidentally at the same time Anita Bryant was openly criticizing the gay liberation movement.  In fact, we featured her treatise on the evils of gay people on this site 2 years ago. LaHaye lavishes praise on Anita’s good works standing up against those militant gays.

I know many of you are wondering why the gays are so unhappy. I thought maybe they were unhappy because this guy (and many others) are trampling over their rights. I guess I am wrong, because the real reasons are the following:

They aren’t “normal.”
They are promiscuous.
They like sex too much.
“Insatiable quest for the erotic.”

Also, you can add things like selfishness, guilt, hostility, and a host of other issues. What causes all of this? Glad you asked.

Smothering mothers
Dominant mothers
Absent/passive fathers
Permissive parents

There is also a formula to make someone gay in the book. (See the fourth picture below) LaHaye has the cure for the wayward gay people. These include attending a bible centered church (no wacky Methodists or crazy Catholics), don’t hang out with gays, do hang out with “nice” Christians. There are a bunch more, but you get the picture.

Weeping for humanity (again still),


what causes gayness

smothering mothers

absent fathers

formula for becoming gay


  1. Good gods! The “formula” pretty sounds as if you are gay –oops!! “gay”–then you will enjoy being “gay.” I fail to see how one is **made** “gay” by any of these items which would indicate one was born gay, or “gay.” (Gotta have those quotation marks!)Aaarrrrrgggggghhhhh.

  2. Not being “normal”, being promiscuous, liking sex too much and having an “insatiable quest for the erotic” are the reasons why gay guys ARE happy! 😀 Geez, wish I had as much fun as my closest gay friend.

    1. I saw it without my glasses and I had to put them on because I saw raw hamburger, close-up like

    1. I think it’s something like: you have a deep unfulfilled (often spiritual) emptiness inside, and you try to distract yourself from that by boinking.

    2. It comes from the mindset of someone who is unsatisfied sexually. Like they can’t get any, so they say “That’s ok, I don’t like it anyway.” So they assume if you like sex, you still can’t get it and you’re sad.

  3. Seems to me that “insatiable quest for the erotic” describes human beings in general, except for those of us who are asexual. After all, if it wasn’t for the urge to merge, I wouldn’t be here and neither would LaHaye.

  4. So, I see he’s included both addition and multiplication in the formula. Are we meant to just follow standard order of operations, or should there be some parentheses in there? I wouldn’t want to make a mistake when I’m whipping up my next batch of Unhappy Gays.

    1. The first item in that formula–“predisposition toward homosexuality”–belies his assertion that gay people are made, not born. Where does the “predisposition” come from? I’m not gay but I know a number of LGBT people and am convinced they are that way by nature–or as God made them, if you prefer.

  5. “Bible-centered” church is a shorthand used by Rev. LaHaye’s ilk; iirc from an article I read, the first step in determining whether a church is bible centered is to eliminate all denominations/churches that are members of the National Council of Churches or World Council of Churches.

  6. Conservative Christians often say “hate the sin, love the sinner.” That sounds good on paper, but unfortunately, in practice it often works out to “hate the sinner.”

  7. I’d be weeping for humanity too, but thanks to the current trend of grown people eating Tide Pods I have no tears left. In fact, I’m lucky to have stomach contents left. Which is ironic, since I’m not the one going around eating toxic household substances.

  8. the writer of this nonsense thinks lesbians have a lower sex drive. He obviously doesn’t know the same lesbians I do.

  9. This is a classic piece of hate literature. My favorite section of the book asks me to choose which kind of unhappy homosexual I am – I have four compelling choices: the Faggot Queen (p. 26), the Closet Queen (p. 27), the Macho Butch (p. 28), or the Typical Homosexual (p. 29). This is the language used. Sorry to nitpick, but the correct form of address is, Mr. Faggot Queen *Sir*. I also learn early on that – despite my status as a gainfully-employed unhappy homosexual – I should be “…regularly disinterested in gainful employment – their interest is sex, not work. Besides, when a man overindulges his sex glands, he doesn’t have much energy left.” (p. 35). I missed that section in the manual, I must have nodded off… The only place this horror belongs is in a special collection as a case study in militant homophobia. I was dismayed – but not surprised – to learn (via Worldcat) that this book still appears to be held by some public libraries in your country.

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