turmoil in the toy box

Toys against God

Turmoil in the Toybox
Phillips
1986

Did you know that Barbie, GI Joe, and Rainbow Brite are out to corrupt your children?

We have featured our guy Phil sharing his SHOCKING truth about Saturday cartoons that will corrupt and ruin your children. He also has a thing against dinosaurs. This stuff is the equivalent of Christian click bait. This time our guy Phil wants to talk about the cult influences of the toys. If you were a kid in the late 1970s and early 1980s, all of your favorite toys have been outed as evil influence by Mr. Phillips. Right now, you could be walking around with all this evil inside of you and NOT EVEN KNOW IT!

Bible for Minecrafters cover

Jesus and the Minecrafters

The Unofficial Bible for Minecrafters Life of Jesus, Stories from the Bible Told Block by Block
Romines and Miko
2017

Submitter: I was extremely surprised to find this (British) book in our British public library, having only ever seen similar horrors coming from the USA displayed in Awful Library Books. It is worth noting that it twice includes the disclaimer ‘This book is not authorised or sponsored by Microsoft Corporation…or any other person or entity controlling rights in the Minecraft name, trademark, or copyrights.’ That statement somewhat raises the question of how it ever got to be published in the first place, especially in the Sue-you-if-you-so-much-as-mention-me United Kingdom with its draconian libel and copyright laws. Back of the book does, however, reveal the fact that ‘Authors Garrett Romines and Chris Miko are both involved in primary school education in the United States, and in providing educational camps, camps, workshops and curriculum around interactive classes’.

Internet for Christians

Internet for Christians

Internet for Christians: Everything You Need to Start Cruising the Net Today
Schultze
1998

Evidently this book is the secret to a more sanitized Internet.

In actuality, it really is a guidebook for Christian oriented sites. Regardless, since this is about the Internet circa late 1990s, I think we can safely let this go.

These subject/group specific books were all the rage as people were starting to navigate the web. Now it seems ridiculous that one would use a book to guide them to certain sites. They would be out of date before they even went to a publisher.

Remember Actor’s Guide to the Internet? How about Internet after Hours? or as a companion book, Catholics on the Internet. I’d be curious to know how many sites have lasted over 20 years.

Go surf with God,

Mary

picking a winner cover

Christian Teens and Dating

Dating
Picking (and Being) a Winner
St. Clair and Jones
1987

Are you a fun loving Christian teen? Worried about picking a loser for a life partner or a casual date? This is your book. These guys want you to avoid the panic and stick to dating Christians only. It just saves time since anything else will eventually fail. Aside from the “don’t date non-Christians,” the other stuff is about being a good person. They also offer standard advice about complimenting your date. Girls, you need to know that guys scare easily, so make sure you give him enough space. He doesn’t want the ball and chain just yet.

satan's music exposed

Satan’s Music

Satan’s Music Exposed
Kirban
1981

In case you didn’t know, the real evil is Christian rock. Evidently, the shift from traditional sacred music is ruining church for everyone. The author asserts that this pop music influences us through the accelerated beat and sinful lyrics. He specifically mentioned the songs: Afternoon Delight, Let’s Spend the Night Together, and Having my Baby. (I am willing to bet this is the first time those songs shared the same paragraph.) This poor author is also mad about Jesus Christ Superstar and Godspell. Evidently, Jesus on Broadway is a bad idea.

how to beat the blahs cover

Beat the Blahs

How To Beat The Blahs
Prater
1977

So, the Blahs are hovering around and making you sad, bored, unloved, inferior, etc. My teen brain remembers that word being used to mostly refer to boredom. This isn’t the first time the “Blahs” have appeared on ALB. We featured a self help book that suggested things like having an affair or adopting a child as a solution. In another book we featured, “Blahs” was used as another term for depression. Again, the advice was pretty unhelpful and all these ladies needed to do was to suck it up. Today’s post addresses the Christian with the blahs. Short answer is God still loves and cares about you. As a Christian devotional, this isn’t a bad book. It is more a gentle reminder of gratitude and grace. Honestly, this book could work in 2018 with a different title and some updating.