Smack those kids into shape

What's a Parent to Do coverWhat’s a Parent to Do?

Not only is the Devil hell bent on getting you fat, he is now on to your kids, and Lovett has some super helpful advice for you parents. Just smack ’em. Literally. The fist on the cover is no joke.

Over 200┬ápages of helpful advice on how to use the belt and/or slap your kids. But it’s okay. You pray afterwards and remind yourself it is for their own good. ┬áSo here are a few sins to consider:

–getting pregnant
–having sex
–girls: dressing like a tart
–girls: hanging out with leather jacket/motorcycle boys

–boys: looking at dirty magazines (In pic 2 below, is the sin the magazine or the “old man” reference?)
–hanging around a “certain crowd”

I would love to see how this guy’s kids turned out. He speaks like an expert.


It's tough to be a teen

The devil's advantage

Slap across the face

Teen is afraid

The leather jacket crowd


  1. Much as I crushed on Diana Rigg back when The Avengers was on the air, the idea of 1960s TV filling a kid with lust, violence and lawless adventure is pretty funny.

  2. After reading page 34, I felt like singing “We got trouble right here in River City”

  3. OMG! As the teenagers say. “Mother loves you very much.” Urgh. Shades of “Psycho” and Norman Bates.

  4. Just speechless. This is psychotic parenting, and I do not say that with any level of jest.

  5. “Mother will be along in a few minutes to explain why she slapped you.” Tell it to Child Protection, Mom…. Wow. This explains a lot of those adult “fundamentalist” Christians of today now, doesn’t it?

  6. “Mom, why can’t I have my friend over for the night?”
    “Mom, I want to listen to rock and/or roll music.”
    “Mom, I don’t believe the stork brings babies any more.”
    “Oops, I accidentally dropped a plate while washing dishes, and it broke”

    I’m so glad this writer wasn’t my parent.

  7. Sounds to me like a handbook on how to get your teenager to be rebellious. Not to mention needing therapy after they grow up.

  8. What’s with the nudge-nudge, wink-wink about what guys talk about behind the barn? Could it be that author is speaking from experience?

  9. I think this is the only pro-corporal punishment book I’ve ever seen that advocated hitting anywhere besides the butt. (When they do that they usually point out that the butt has more “padding” on it and to hit a child anywhere else and with anything other than an open hand is abuse.) Well, unless they’re under a certain age, then they say two fingers across the back of the hand along with a loud “NO!” – especially if the kid’s going to do something like grab a hot pan or a sharp knife.

    I mean, spanking as an absolute last resort is one thing. Smacking your daughter in the face because she wants a friend over is just psycho. She didn’t even do anything wrong, just asked for a reasonable explanation.

  10. this book may have been published in 1971 but my parents must have read something similiar. being hit with a belt on one’s bare bottom was ‘normal’ in our house. remember being spanked for stuff like ‘talking to a boy’, not having the coffee started before they got home, lots of really stupid things…(and yes i rebelled!!)

  11. I love the way the book throws “growing beards” as part of its description of teenagers right along with indulging in “sex orgies” (is there another kind of orgy?), “dope” and crime. I can understand my grandparents’ generation being dismayed at the mega-sideburns, but beards..?

    I wonder if this book was what inspired that one fundamentalist guy to write a detailed how-to guide for beating infants several years ago…hopefully *that* isn’t in anybody’s library.

      1. I learned about that book right after my son was born (2012). That book is absolutely horrible. Usually I share books from this site, that one is just too wrong.

    1. For 1971, beards were conclusive proof you were a long-haired hippie freak who would never listen to anyone over 30. That was just a couple of years after my high school had stopped checking hair length with a ruler to guarantee it was safely above the collar.

      1. For my ultra-authoritarian/conservative father, a beard on a guy was anathema. I remember being amused in high school at how much he despised the physics teacher for his beard, when all along the fellow was just as indomitable a Goldwater Republican as he was. But my father hated hair in general, not sure why. He also made my brother, who had kind of normal longish 70s hair, wear a wig to be in my wedding LOL — that was pretty funny.

  12. (snipped from the original draft)
    “But mom–” *SLAP!*
    “MOTHER! You call me MOTHER!”
    “…But Mother, why can Jerry have friends over and I can’t?”
    “Because we can’t bother to even be subtle about how we favor our son over our daughter. Now don’t make me slap you again…” (no idea if Jerry’s her brother, that’s just how I read it)

    I don’t know which book is more disturbing, this one or To Train Up a Child. Does Lovett believe in beating and slapping infants the way the Pearls do?

  13. I just realized: Lovett was also the one who wrote “Help Lord! The Devil Wants Me Fat!”

  14. A couple of observations:

    Notice how Mother never does give Betty her original reason for not allowing her friend over(she thinks Betty is more concerned with her social life than her schoolwork).
    Also, she says “*I’m* afraid to stand before God and admit I didn’t teach you to obey me instantly, *I’m* afraid that if you don’t obey me, you won’t obey God.” It’s all about *me*,

  15. Pages 68-71 are a disgrace. Why not explain that you are not happy with how her schoolwork is slipping, so no friends over on school nights? If she starts shouting, confiscate something or tell her she can’t see her friends that weekend if she continues to be disrespectful.

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