Pierogi Payout

Pierogi makers jobHow to Land a Top-Paying Pierogi Makers Job

This is a real book. And real libraries own it. To be fair, not a lot of libraries own it, but it is still too funny not to share. Imagine the publisher pitch meeting: “What we really need is a book about how to make money making pierogies!”

Well, hey, sign me up! I love pierogies! If I can make top-dollar at it and recruiters will come for me, all the better. (Recruiters? For pierogi makers?)

The contents of this book are very generic, and could apply to just about any job: what to put on your resume, where to search for jobs ads, how to list references, etc. All good advice. I just can’t get past the idea that you can get a top-paying pierogi makers job. It’s so specific! Someone please tell me that pierogi making is considered specialized and highly sought-after. Or maybe they’re trendy like cupcakes? Do people have high-end pierogi shops? WHY ISN’T THERE ONE IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD?

I’m definitely having pierogies for lunch today.


Pierogi makers job contents

Applying for pierogi makers job

Employers and Classified ads


    1. I can’t help but wonder how many of those “reviews” were written by the author. haha I like the suggested other titles too. I just glanced, but I swear I saw “Does God Speak Through Your Cat?”.

      1. One of the recommended titles I saw was a book from ALB favorite author Doris Sandford and another on crafting with cat hair. How either of those are related to pierogi making, I have no clue.

      2. There’s a whole subculture of funny reviews on Amazon, so I doubt it’s the author. The best weird Amazon items are the ones where the third-party sellers get in on the funny 😀

    2. Thanks for that link! I’m beginning to think the book and the reviews together constitute a performance piece of some sort.

  1. With how generic the advice (and cover) is compared to the very specific title, I want to believe that the author published dozens of these books, just doing a find-replace on certain words and updating the title.
    How to Land a Top-Paying Pierogi Makers Job
    How to Land a Top-Paying Vacuum Cleaner Repairman Job
    How to Land a Top-Paying Bowling Ball Inspectors Job

    1. That, or it was a stand-in for generic job titles to be determined later, but somehow ended up finding its way to print without the needed changes. Amazon lets you search through a lot of the book, and they never get more specific than Food Processing Operator in the actual text.

      And that top paying Pierogi Maker job? According to the book itself, that salary would be around $24,000 a year.

      1. Yeah, but you need to remember to adjust for inflation. After all, a dollar was worth a lot less all the way back in…
        Oh, this thing was published two years ago? Well, yeah. I guess it is pretty pointless then.

    2. I feel pretty sure that’s exactly what happened. Just look at the “Contents” page, and how “Pierogi makers” always appears in exactly the same form, even when the pluralization or capitals/lowercase doesn’t make sense (“How to become a Pierogi makers”, “FINDING AND APPLYING FOR Pierogi makers JOBS”). If that doesn’t have find-and-replace written all over it, I don’t know what does.

      1. There are some lousy books out there. Some relatively high-priced titles on obscure subjects turn out to be printed copies of Wikipedia – which is usually legal under their “Creative Commons” licence, presumably, but not a good bargain, unless you really hate to read from a computer.

        Other theories are “practical joke”, “published for tax or budget reasons”, and
        – one winner of which in fact was “not produced not by a living author, but by Professor Philip M Parker’s automated authoring invention, which produces a title on the basis of complex internet and database searches.”

        I’m somehow also reminded of the fake cheesy advert for a diploma as a burrito taster, which you can see at http://www.funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/39308/Burrito/ . The message of that is “A ‘diploma’ may be worth less than you paid to get it in effort, time, and money, depending where you get it from”, and, “not trying to be your mom, but there aren’t many jobs out there for potheads.” Not specifically for potheads, anyway.

        This is once I looked up and made sure that a pierogi isn’t one of the little man figures on the cover of the book. I suppose you could get a job making the little men, but I suspect they’re mass-produced by a machine.

  2. I am making pierogis for dinner tonight. Sadly, they are only the sub par ones found at the grocery store (but still ok…how can potato, onion and pasta be bad?) I would gladly pay top dollar for a good pierogi.

    1. Chris, do you have a Farmer’s Market anywhere near you? quite often have found homemade pierogies at ours, they beat the store bought ones by miles. (years ago my mother and i made pierogies, it took all day but they tasted wonderful)

  3. We’ve got “The Pierogie Guy” here, who makes awesome high-quality pierogies. He makes the standards with potatoes, mushrooms and onions… but also sells cheese and spinach, buffalo chicken (!), pulled pork (!!), farmer’s cheese (similar to cottage cheese), potato cheddar and bacon, etc. Good stuff.

    1. I don’t know where you and the Pierogi Guy are, but I have a feeling I need to go there. Spinach and cheese sounds amazing.

    1. Not only that, but get a load of the price for used copies of the nurse/midwife one! Someone’s auto-lister clearly ran amuck there.

      Seriously, they must just have plugged in every job title seen in a large collection of ads, or something–I mean, how many qualified podiatry professors or auto-clutch specialists or biostatisticians would you expect to be looking for a job at any given time? And that’s just from the first few pages.

  4. I had to look up the word “pierogi” on Wikipedia… Is this a really clever parody of all those pointless self-help books full of pious platitudes and generic advice you could get from anywhere, and we just aren’t getting the joke?

  5. My Polish Aunties rocked the pierogis and chrusciki. They cook for the Lord, now, so I have to go with Mrs. T’s (not bad!).

  6. This MUST be a joke. Look at how much the book costs. However, I’ve now been thoroughly entertained today.

  7. Devin: You are very lucky to have “The Pierogi Guy”. Pulled pork pierogis have got to be awesome!
    Angel: I am sure your Polish Auntie’s pierogis are every bit as wonderful as you say.

    1. Oh dear! You are missing out! Polish (or Eastern European) stuffed dumpling. Cheese, potato, mushroom, sauerkraut…a starch side dish. Sort of like ravioli. Top with golden onions sautéed in butter. You’d need some ham or kielbasa to go with them.

    1. I live in Louisiana, and I’ve seen them in the freezer section at most groceries. They’re dumplings stuffed with potato, meat, etc.

      But, yeah, I don’t think I’ve seen them cooked or served fresh anywhere around here.

    2. I’m from Utah and never encountered one, either, oddly enough. And being interested in folklore, I keep getting the word confused with “Pishogue”( basically, an Irish black magic curse), which would be quite an interesting way to make money…

  8. Cinnamon Chaisson: I never even thought to look there. Thanks for the suggestion : )

  9. Is there a self-help book on How to Run a Ponzi Scheme? They seem to be a really easy way to make big $$$$$$$s, but no book explaining how exactly to organise it? Did Mr Ponzi himself write one? (in gaol maybe?)

  10. We actually have a lady who runs a business called “The Pierogi Lady”. She books orders for November/December in May so apparently she’s doing okay for herself.

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