Marry Me!

with these words... i thee wed cover

With These Words…
I Thee Wed
Contemporary Wedding Vows for Today’s Couples
Eklof
1989

This is one of those books that helps you customize your vows. I have actually had a couple of reference questions over the years about writing vows. Most of the time, I didn’t think of a book that would actually give you vows. Most of the folks I waited on were looking for specific poetry.  I suppose this has an audience but I doubt this kind of book would be one that comes to mind.

I am not ready to call this one an obvious weeder, but I would probably be looking for a more modern version. No mention of vows for gay people but they did have a set for older couples. This is one of those examples that isn’t wrong per se, but it does leave out the gay/lesbian crowd. My feeling is that if you are a non traditional couple, you will probably be more likely to have non traditional vows and this would probably be a disappointment.

Mary

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17 comments

  1. “No mention of vows for gay people but they did have a set for older couples. This is one of those examples that isn’t wrong per se, but it does leave out the gay/lesbian crowd.”

    I would kindly suggest that weighing whether your library’s patronage/clientele leans more towards 1% or 30% GLBTQIAwhatever the acronym is this month should be factored into this criticism. BIG difference between a San Francisco library branch and a rural one in “flyover country.”

    The age and possible lack of circulation are issues, but if the only issue is lack of “inclusivity” (which my spell-check doesn’t recognize as a word), consider the market.

    1. This may come as a shock to you, but a number of non-straight people live in “flyover country”.

    2. If we only serve gay citizens in “gay places”, the many gay citizens who live in “non-gay places” will never be served.

    3. Even if there is not a large amount of LGBTQ+ people in your community, representation does matter. Gay people live in rural communities too, and many may not be publicly out. Representation in communities that are not as diverse is still just as important, even if it’s just to make people in your community more aware of people outside their own groups. And very important for those small numbers in your community that may feel ostracized.

      Also your comment comes off very dismissive to this community (Acronym of the month? Inclusivity is not a ~real~ word?) Not sure if that’s intentional or not.

      1. I’m pretty sure it was intentional — his whole comment reeked of disdain. And lack of knowledge plus unwillingness to learn, which makes me wonder why he’s reading a library blog.

      2. The acronym isn’t standardized, so it varies. It always seems to have LGBT, but sometimes just ends there with a “+” and some times includes other characters. The fullest I have seen is LGBTQQIA2+. Anyway, a lack of inclusion – as long as it is not paired with EXclusion – doesn’t end the usefulness of this book. It does justify other resources, in addition to OR in replacement of, this book.

  2. Hmmm…no need to be sarcastic and dismissive, Alexander. Hate to break it to you, but there are gay and lesbian people everywhere, even outside San Francisco.

    People everywhere need to see reflections of themselves in the mass media they consume.

  3. By the way, “Spider-Man” IS in spellcheck, so I’m thinking spellcheck isn’t a valid source for things that exist in reality. Unless I’ve somehow missed one or more guys in spandex swooping around NYC saving the day. You’d think that would be on the news!

  4. People quick to attack me:

    YES, gay/lesbian/etc. people live in “flyover country” too.

    What I am pointedly referring to is LIBRARY SIZE/LOCATION, not stereotypes of location–and the topic of THIS BOOK.

    Simple demographics will tell you that the odds of a GLBTQIAetc. patron–who, in the specific case of this book, WANTS TO GET MARRIED and write vows–are FAR smaller at such a rural or remote branch library serving a town of 5,000 or fewer than it is in a major city library branch or central county/city library. We’re not even talking representation for young people who may be growing up “different” here. We’re talking a book that someone is presumably looking at because they’ve already well on the way to getting married!

    The larger issue with the “inclusivity” argument, of course, is whether it is being pursued as a response to potential patron demand/use, or whether it’s being pursued simply as a greater social agenda of “GLBT support” or whatever, that for all we know may be counterproductive. To make up a probably-not-hypothetical example, would it be smart for a rural, small-town library to prominently support “Pride Month” with posters and events when perhaps only four patrons would be happy for the “support” but twenty-five or more religious-fundamentalist patrons would be turned off? Rural libraries often exist on “life support” from local government to begin with, and “rocking the boat” on still-contentious social issues, no matter the actual rights and fairness involved, may not be the “hill” small libraries want to “die on.”

    We could expand the “inclusivity” argument infinitely, to the point where every library’s budget is bankrupted. Does your library have Buddhist texts? Books to learn Farsi, Gaelic, Vietnamese, Swahili, Portuguese, Finnish? Got both gospel books and Christopher Hitchens books? Got Gamelan ensembles and bagpipe music and K-Pop techno in the music section? Where are the books on keeping iguanas and chickens and tarantulas in your pets section?

    (And the “acronym of the month” snideness on my part has to do with the constant effort required to try and satisfactorily hit a moving target, one seemingly made of gelatin, where the “offensensitive” will hasten to reproach you if you get it wrong…..)

    1. I love that your inclusivity going too far examples are things that my library does in fact have. Hell even the rural library I grew up going to had Buddhist texts and books to learn languages like Vietnamese and Portuguese. And yes, books from a variety of religious and political opinions.

      This slippery slope nonsense. Including representation of diverse groups of people totally means you’ll end up bankrupting your library as then the iguanas will become upset about their lack of pet representation. Makes total sense.

      And sorry language is constantly evolving and changing as it always has as we better understand things, situations, and each other.

    2. 2nd to last paragraph: ILL exists for all of that.

      last paragraph: I have never been reproached for not using a particular form of LG…+ and think there is more background here.

    3. Yes, my local library has all of what you mentioned. It can be done!

      And you’re still being snide and dismissive about the whole issue, not to mention the use of the non sense word “offensensitive” shows you aren’t coming at this in good faith at ALL.

      You should probably stay off the internet for the rest of the month. Wouldn’t want to upset your offensensitive snowflake self.

      ️‍ ‍❤️‍ ‍❤️‍ +

    4. Why yes, I would rather the library support four members of an already oppressed group existing in a potentially unsafe/hostile environment rather than pander to 25 homo/bi/transphobes who already feel comfortable spreading their hatemongering messages.

      Your moving target “argument” (which, let’s be honest, is not a reasonable one) works both ways too; say a library removes/neglects LGBTQ+ materials, who’s to say those religious fundamentalists won’t go after materials on reproductive rights, racial equity, evolution, etc. next?

      1. “works [other] ways too”: there are only 37 registered democrats in this school district so we don’t need biographies on Clinton, Kennedy, Truman, Roosevelt, or the rest.

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