God’s Handiwork

Gods Handiwork coverIf I’m God’s Handiwork, Would Someone Please Explain These Thighs!: Discovering Your Unique Destiny

Submitter: I work at a public library in a small city in NC. We found this book from 2002 during a recent sweep. I think it’s a good example for your blog because of the outdated humor both in the title and within the work, as well as the outdated design of the cover and call outs within. The book never had particularly good circulation numbers and probably should have been weeded a decade ago.

Holly: I know it doesn’t seem like that long ago, but 2002 was 21 years ago. Let it gooooo!

Gods Handiwork back cover

Table of contents

In case of emergency reach for chocolate

Gods Handiwork excerpt


  1. I wouldn’t have been surprised to find out this book was even older.

    Why is she entirely chequered in Chap 14?

    So I suppose the author’s trying to be funny, but on the surface, it seems she’s questioning The Lord’s Plan for her life. Maybe God wanted her to be thicc. Maybe she should stop eating so damn many malted milk balls (2 whole cartons every month?!). And white “chocolate” is an abomination — most of it’s veggie oil, no flavor, and no health benefits like cocoa has.

    Whatever she’s trying to say in the displayed pages, I don’t understand and the wording in those pull quotes makes me slightly uncomfortable.

    Maybe it isn’t God or a pizza she’s hearing. Maybe she’s lost touch with consensus reality from too much sugar and taking care of 7 children.

    1. I think the checkering is a result of the submitter’s scanner having interference patterns with the dot-style grayscale of the source.

  2. The people on Christian books are almost always 20 years out of date. And sure enough, she looks like a Jane Fonda exercise tape from 1982.

    1. Agreed. I looked at the picture and thought “that’s so 80s”.

      Seriously, a friend of mine dressed like that for a New Year’s 89/90 party. With things she’d dug out of drawers and closets. Someone guy came as an original Mac, and a woman put on a fake beard and fatigues and addressed us in the living room, from the stair landing, in character as Panamanian jefe Noriega. We cheered slogans, while someone dressed as a “Miami Vice” character booed because cocaine. It was a swell goodbye to the 80s. We did not dress like that in 2002.

      If Cathy’s worried about her thighs, maybe spandex isn’t the right choice for her? Like all white women in the 80s, I took aerobics classes, but I wore sweatpants. I didn’t question God about my thighs.

  3. White “chocolate” is a fine confection as long as you understand that it’s not chocolate. I remember specifically requesting a white chocolate bunny for Easter, and I remember being thrilled when one of my parents tracked one down for me (this was the early 1980’s, when Easter candy was pretty much all milk chocolate, unless you lives someplace fancy where they sold “European-style” dark chocolate).

  4. I won’t judge the story of her life by the cover of this book…withdraw it and rip off the cover and compost the pages.

    1. I bet she said to people “This cover is so CUTE, y’all!”
      To which the sensible folk replied “Bless her heart…’

  5. These days she’d be wasting time and brain cells making videos for 10-year-olds on TikTok.

    1. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, as a middle aged woman who’s found minor success doing cosplay and story creation (for ADULTS) on TikTok I’m really sick and tired of people bashing it. How about exploring it a little before you judge it?

  6. Want what you have: thighs and all….of course easier said here than done on the thighs.

  7. God has a divine, personal vision for Cathy, and it includes thunder thighs. Accept the will of the Lord!

    Cut down on sweets. Hire some help. See a shrink.

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