Fun with Crime

Looking Forward to Being AttackedLooking Forward to Being Attacked

Submitter: Talk about putting a positive light on something bad,  Looking Forward to Being Attacked was written by Lt. Jim Bullard from the Memphis Police Department.  It was published in 1977.  I included the table of contents to demonstrate how Lt. Bullard just oozes optimism.

Holly: Looks like a great book with a weird approach and title.  No one looks forward to being attacked, even if they are a master at self-defense.  Oh, I get it!  He is being clever.  This was re-released in 1987.  With cell phones and car alarms, I think self-defense books in public libraries should be more up to date than this.  Please weed!

Looking Forward to being attacked contents

  1. Even if it’s meant to be clever, wow, that’s a crazy title! I love chapter 4: “Life affords few pleasures that can equal the striking of vulnerable areas!” Incredible. It’s like a strange, beautiful poem. I’ll be repeating it for weeks.

  2. I know myself that sarcasm is one of the most effective weapons, I use it all the time, but I never thought of disarming attackers with it. I’ll be hanging around a lot more dark alleys now. I’ll bet Lt. Bullard was a riot to work with.

  3. Okay, first this is making me laugh –

    “Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)

    Leonardo DiCaprio is looking forward to fatherhood”

    And second – I REALLY want to read chapter six very badly!

    Oh man! You can get it on Amazon for as little as a penny!

    1. When we think about those things that technology has made obsolete, the obscene phone call has to be close to the top of the list.

  4. *laughinglaughinglaughing* Holy cow. Maybe it could be made into a series. “Looking forward to being attacked by killer bees!” “Count Down to Your First Broken Leg!”

  5. Its funny that no one thinks that you could actually look forward to being attacked, theres no joke about it. This guy genuinely looks forward to being attacked. Then when he gets attacked he hass the most amazing mind set you could ever be in when you’re under attack. You’re cool, you’re collected, you’re ready, and you’re aware. He has the mindset that he loves getting attacked because when you love something, you do it that much better, with that much more zeal, and that much more readiness to participate. Besides, you can either love it, or hate it, why would you want to be afraid? It doesn’t help you get out of those situations, but surprisingly, looking forward to and loving it will. Hold nothing concrete guys, don’t look down on him, call him sarcastic, and laugh at him, but be open to the fact that this guy was a police Lieutenant, he probably has a lot more experience in fighting situations then you’re most likely civilized self does, and as such, you might actually be able to learn something from him.

    1. I thought I was commenting in the spirit of the title and table of contents. You need to lighten up yourself. Hey! I went to Amazon and bought a copy for a penny.

  6. “Chapter 2: The Principle of the Weakest Point Adds Zest to Being Attacked!” sounds like a cookbook entry:

    “If you’re tired of the same old meatloaf, zest it up with some Principle of Weakest Point. Your family will love it!”

  7. Believe it or not… I actually attended a self-defense workshop give by this guy (in either 1989 or 1990). He’s a very nice guy and was an excellent speaker/teacher – though I agree on the whole “gimmick” approach being extremely weird. 😉

    1. Well, the book is aimed towards women and let’s face it, for years we’ve kind of been taught to “just sit back and take it” if attacked. I don’t know about anyone else, but I tend to freeze up even if it’s not an out-right attack. I had a drunk guy just mauling me on the dance floor one night in Vegas and couldn’t bring myself to tell him to stop cause I was so afraid.

      I think that’s the whole point of his sarcasm here. He’s trying to tell women that they don’t have to sit back and take it when someone tries to mug them or feel them up. To stand up for themselves and fight back.

  8. There’s no indication from the table of contents, but I hope that, at the end, if all else fails, you should “just enjoy it!”

  9. LOL- the table of contents is cracking me up. In particular, I like Chapter 5- my attacker not only will admire me, but this will allow us to form a meaningful relationship, as Chapter 7 states. Gotta read this book! 🙂

  10. The table of contents almost makes this book seem like a “dating and relationships” title. For people who REALLY need to get out more.

  11. jamisings you can have some of my bravado if you want it. The last guy to try to maul me on a dance floor ended up with his fingers pulled back until he yelled. I only had to repeat it three time before he stopped mauling 🙂 Moron!

    1. Or maybe next time I’m in Vegas I’ll just take you! LOL

      Seriously, I was mouthing the words “help me” to people and praying someone would take pity on me and pretend to be a jealous boyfriend – or even a jealous girlfriend!

      What made it worse – his own girlfriend was encouraging it!

      I guess I could’ve used this book.

  12. It’s true — sex and drugs and rock’n’roll have nothing on the joys of the Striking of Vulnerable Areas! In fact, why wait? Strike some now! That guy over there, shopping in the soup aisle — kick him in the nads! You won’t believe how fun it is!

  13. Even better–he also encourages inventing new words while being attacked! (Look closely at the title of Chapter One.)

  14. asad123:there was nothing about obscene phone calls on your blog,and I’m disappointed by that.

    The photos on the book cover are hilarious, as if the attacker would just stand close by waiting and looking at you while you cut the lawn…

  15. I actually went through this program back in the 1970s. It was actually a fairly effective program back then.

  16. have adapted chapter 1 title for nearly every comment i’ve made to my 5 kids in the past few days, killing myself laughing and waiting for them to attack me!!!!!!!!!!!!! they don’t seem to find it amusing, they’ll never find it amusing if they don’t change their attitudes!

  17. I wish I knew some of these moves in the 70’s, back when I was a page. I wouldn’t have spent time hiding in the ladies’ room when Mr. Expose showed up! Or maybe he was just bashful!

  18. LOL, I actually *have* a copy of this. My well-meaning (83 year old) grandmother gave it to me. It’s pretty hilarious, really.