Department of God Archives - Awful Library Books

God’s Handiwork

February 27, 2023 Holly Department of God, Feelings and Self Help 16 comments

If I’m God’s Handiwork, Would Someone Please Explain These Thighs!: Discovering Your Unique Destiny
Lechner
2002

Submitter: I work at a public library in a small city in NC. We found this book from 2002 during a recent sweep. I think it’s a good example for your blog because of the outdated humor both in the title and within the work, as well as the outdated design of the cover and call outs within. The book never had particularly good circulation numbers and probably should have been weeded a decade ago.

Holly: I know it doesn’t seem like that long ago, but 2002 was 21 years ago. Let it gooooo!

Hunger Games

February 13, 2023 Holly Department of God 19 comments

Hunger: Understanding the Crisis Through Games, Dramas, and Songs
Sprinkle
1971

Submitter: This is a book of literal Hunger Games by an author whose last name is Sprinkle. You just can’t make this up. The idea of the book is to help church-goers and likeminded folks better understand the experience of hungry people. There are bingo games for kids, as well as the attached activities. I find the drama interesting; Jane, the “active churchwoman” actually tells the long-haired young man to cut his hair to find a job. Spoiler, she dies at the end, goes to heaven, and gets a bread crust, an empty jar, and an old bathrobe. There’s also a song called “We plough the fields with tractors.”

Weeded from an academic library. Last circulation: ILL in 1987. Browsed in 1993. Not applicable to any academic program at the university… and probably not of lasting interest for students, faculty, or staff, either.

Holly: What does listing on a placemat what Jesus ate (second image below) have to do with learning about people who have nothing to eat?

how to profit from the coming rapture book cover

Business Plans for the rapture

February 6, 2023 Mary Kelly Department of God 11 comments

How to profit from the coming rapture
Getting ahead when you are left behind
Levy
2008

I was searching for something and came across this book. My first thought was this was a serious effort by some religious nuts. When I started reading and laughing, it was clear it was a spoof.

It was actually fun for about a half an hour. Then it was done, at least for me. Sometimes books like these tend to be too long. The joke just went on too long. What concerned me is the owning library had it classified in the 200s. I would have stuck this in the 800s with other humor books.

Satan’s Mark Exposed

August 24, 2022 Holly Department of God 28 comments

Satan’s Mark Exposed
Kirban
1981

Submitter: This book is one of many from Kirban that outlines the ways in which the world will ‘soon’ come to an end. This particular title is full of outlandish predictions that include cannibal worms, laser identification beams, and of course the word computer (when assigned the proper alphanumeric code) adding up to 666. Not only are we treated to ranting speculations, but also some alarmist images and comics, depicting the doomed direction the world is heading. It’s hard to believe that there are more of these, but as the back of the book claims “Salem Kirban is well qualified to write on future events. He is the author of more than 30 books on the subject.”

Holly: He was prolific, that’s for sure! My favorite title from his bibliography is “How to Live Above and Beyond Your Circumstances.” Any libraries out there have that little gem to share with us?

On Borrowed Time

August 8, 2022 Holly Department of God 28 comments

88 Reasons Why the Rapture Could Be in 1988
Whisenant
1988

Submitter: This may be the very definition of a book with outdated information. While doing some weeding I recently came across this gem that has somehow managed to remain in the stacks until 2022. We are an academic theological library, and while we try to represent a wide range of theological perspectives, it’s hard to imagine how this ever ended up in the collection. Interestingly, it seems that this is not Whisenant’s first or last attempt at predicting the end of the world.

Holly: Edgar Whisenant was a NASA engineer. Bet he was fun at cocktail parties…

Toys against God

February 22, 2022 Mary Kelly Department of God, Vice Patrol 28 comments

Turmoil in the Toybox
Phillips
1986

Did you know that Barbie, GI Joe, and Rainbow Brite are out to corrupt your children?

We have featured our guy Phil sharing his SHOCKING truth about Saturday cartoons that will corrupt and ruin your children. He also has a thing against dinosaurs. This stuff is the equivalent of Christian click bait. This time our guy Phil wants to talk about the cult influences of the toys. If you were a kid in the late 1970s and early 1980s, all of your favorite toys have been outed as evil influence by Mr. Phillips. Right now, you could be walking around with all this evil inside of you and NOT EVEN KNOW IT!

Put the Fear of God Into Your Toys

October 21, 2021 Mary Kelly Craptastic Crafts and Hobbies, Department of God 10 comments

Making Old Testament Toys
Hutchings
1972

We have so many craft books featured on this site. Holidays? Pick your favorite. Can’t decide which craft to try? We have you covered here. Holly and I have personal favorite craft books on this site: Applehead dolls, Pantyhose Crafts, and Macrame, to name a few. Old Testament toys might also join this esteemed list of crafts.

Old Testament theme? Not my favorite theme for crafting, but I suppose that might appeal to some folks. The color scheme is ugly and the 2 pages of photographs are not even amateur level. But the crafts…

Evil Dinosaurs

July 19, 2021 Mary Kelly Department of God, Parent/Teacher Collection 23 comments

Dinosaurs
The Bible, Barney, and Beyond
Phillips
1994

Phillips is an author of another book on this site, Saturday Morning Mind Control, in which the author asserts that Saturday morning cartoons are the gateway to evil. This book is more of the same. Dinosaurs, in particular Barney and Jurassic Park, are dissected for the apparent evil that lurks within these shows. He seems to have gathered that a big purple dinosaur with an annoying song about love is anti-Christian. As a mother of kids in the early 1990s, Barney wasn’t my favorite either, but I hardly would call him evil.

Based on the themes of his books, this guy is a giant killjoy. As one 7 year-old told me, “the library always needs more dinosaur books.” Amen, kid.