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Your Secret Powers as a Woman

 

Your Power as a Woman
How to Develop and Use It
Archer
1957

 

Direct from the late 1950s, this book is the answer to all your questions! You can be happy with a few simple “fixes”. In the 4th picture below, do an assesment of your physical attributes, in the NUDE! Don’t forget that a woman’s voice is evidently a bit irritating, so practice some modulation and tone. Next, everyone needs to take that test to find out just how your woman powers have developed. Answer honestly!

So after your evaluation of your physical traits and those special woman skills, now you need to fix yourself. Your bustline can be a problem area. If your breasts are saggy, talk to your doctor. You might have a “glandular malfunction”. This book has lots of good advice like dieting, meeting a nice man at work, and sparkling conversation tips (remember to shut up, because men like that!). Ladies, you also need to take a look at the list of “male grievances”  and check yourself. You don’t want to be unkempt. Remember your key to happiness is to be pretty and make the man in your life happy.  Get busy, the clock is ticking!

Mary

More Lady Happiness:

Cure the Blahs!

Turn on the charm (Potentially disturbing for work, since there is a woman in a girdle wearing a mask. Really.)

Obey your man and God will love you more

Coo and purr your way into a man’s heart




40 Responses to Your Secret Powers as a Woman

  • I know that matching accessories with my gown and gloves has always been a problem area for me. I have a tendency to jump the gun and give a waiter my order instead of letting the man do that, too. No wonder I’m not married.

  • Apparently I have no womanly aptitudes at all. No secret powers for me!

  • There is nothing to be said about this book. It says it all, and leaves one speechless. (And the Ambrose Bierce quote on page 41 is just … just … [sigh].)

  • This book brought to you by a generous grant from the “Hazel Bishop No-Smear Lipstick” company.

  • Heavens – un-pretty hands dunked in bright nail polish and jewelry? And Helena Bishop no-smear lipstick? Who knew?

  • Oh, you just HAVE to put this book on display somewhere, for people to read with amusement/bemusement. Hand it to a 15-year-old, watch their eyes bug out. 🙂

  • Oh man, and here I’ve been slinking back and forth to the water fountain with my extra-long cigarette holder *all the time.* I clearly need this book.

  • So, if I am an awkward prepubescent teen, who is shy, unkempt, has acne, and can’t figure out how to do hair, nails, and all the rest, then I surely am a hopeless case. According to the questions listed. Or a nerd, also equally hopeless.

    Those male grievances, it’s almost quaint, so this book definitely would not fly in the eighties with the bright colors, or at any point during the Women’s Rights movement.

  • “I must, I must, I must increase my bust!”

    I will say that there are a lot of irritating female voices out there today. It’s the vocal fry and sexy baby vocal virus.

  • So that’s where I’ve been going wrong all these years!

  • Why am I even bothering to read this post when I can be enrolling myself in the author’s “Fifth Ave. School for Smartness”? I am not going to get a perfect score on the questions because I have not been schooled in “smartness”…yet.

  • Never mind, I will not be attending the “Fifth Ave. School for Smartness”. men will be writhing and frowning upon my chipped nails and un-pretty hands.

  • Some of this advice is laughable, but other sections are not half bad. Things such as confidence, politeness, and good hygiene never go out of style.

    • Yeah, but the way they are presented here makes me want to stop bathing, start pushing over older ladies, and hide behind the door.

      I was two when this book was published, and never understood why my mother was so anxious about her looks (and my looks), our dresses, etc. Someone must have bludgeoned her with this book, or something like it. Thank goodness, by the time she had three kids all she cared about was that we were clothed, fed, and not currently killing each other.

  • Interesting definition of power: contorting oneself for the approval of others.

  • My intelligent questions bring all the boys to the yard.

  • With all my food allergies and how picky I am if a man attempted to order for me I’d demand to be moved to a table at the other side of the restaurant and that he was not allowed to come near me.

  • So the advice for getting yourself a man is 1. shut up 2. shut up and 3. shut up. Fascinating. I do hope my orders at restaurants don’t get lost in the game of telephone I’ll have to start playing to keep that male approval, though.

  • I was getting all excited when I saw the title and the date, thinking “Is this going to be a cool Betty Friedan-style early second wave feminist book?” Imagine my devastation. That’s what I get for being “The Girl With The Intelligent Question.”

  • Does anyone else suspect that women in the Fifties -and most men as well- thought this was a load of unmitigated horseshit too?

    • Actually, yes. I sometimes think that the reason these kinds of books were written was because people in the society mostly WEREN’T acting that way!

      • Good point! I can’t imagine either of my grandmothers having the time or the money for any of this. My father remembers his father eating whatever was left on his and his brother’s plate, money was so tight. (My granddad was a great guy, and would always put the children first.)

  • Pff, “Such overdevelopment is generally the result of glandular malfunction or general obesity.” I come from a long line of thin (at least until middle age) women with huge boobs. No medical conditions here.

    • I feel you on that. Their “diagnosis” seems to be in keeping with the idea that everything about a woman is somehow her “fault” and requires rigorous correction for social acceptance. Instead of accepting your figure or even learning tricks to just dress in a flattering way or get properly fitted bras, their angle is that there’s something wrong with you and you need to be fixed. That’s the gist of the whole book.

  • Upon initial glance, I found Male Grievance #6 to be legitimate, but I was surprised at why it even needed to be mentioned. Who thinks that “pubic combing” is an appropriate activity when you’re out and about? And then I read it again… Oops.

  • “My Fifth Avenue School for Smartness and Consultation Service” now called”The Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can’t Read Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too”.

  • I wanted to finish reading the etiquette on the job, seems intriguing since it seems to be be about how to get a man at work, and do it tastefully….not like I would really use this book, however.

    A girl’s gotta start somewhere, right? 😉

  • Did anyone else have trouble understanding the snails vs. cream cheese & jelly comment? Page 211, no. 3

    • I think this just meant that you shouldn’t pretend to like foods that he likes in order to impress him. Weird examples to use, though.

  • I worry deeply about the pendulosity of my bust now! (p.41)

    And etiquette on the job seems to be divided into two parts: 1: get the job, 2: get the man. Sigh.
    How about 1a: keep the job, and 1c: be promoted

    And I feel the urge to wear a middle finger-ring. Right now! (Greavance no. 5) My hands have never before had problems standing the strain of wearing aforementioned jewellry.

    I really, really want this book!
    What is the secret to be lovely in my advanced age (42.5 years)?? You must tell me! I cannot stand the strain anymore, I need to know how to behave in front of my husband and coworker (caught easily, without any etiquette)..

  • Only 2 libraries in the world have this title, and is it just me, or does the woman on the cover look naked under that very flimsy gown?

  • I think my powers as a women is to choose to *not* do any of the things in this book. Especially anything to do with finding a lover, marriage and having kids.

  • Good advice for women! If they could learn to act like this instead of greedy, hypocritical, self-serving “feminists”, it would be a much better world. Women wants equal rights until the check comes.

  • This is exactly the kind of book I would pick up as a gag gift for one of my fellow feminist friends so we could all take turns reading passages from it and howling with laughter. It’s chock full of (fool’s) gold!