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Relationship Advice From a Pro

closure_legs

If You Want Closure in Your Relationship, Start with Your Legs
Big Boom
2007

Big Boom is an ex-pimp, player, and hustler, according to the back of the book.  He knows the games men play.  He even got an endorsement from Steve Harvey as one who “made the biggest turnaround in a person’s life that I’ve ever known.”  Well, that sounds pretty good.  Relationship advice from someone who used to work in the sex industry, but who now is an upstanding citizen in a happy marriage.

The title kind of grosses me out.  Does that make me a prude?  I thought it was funny at first, but then I started leafing through the book.  Big Boom constantly reminds his female readers to keep their legs closed.  Don’t “accept invitations for a late-night stayover unless you are ready to part your legs” and “don’t lighten up, tighten up.”  Eww!

This is my favorite quote in the whole book: “If a woman breaks the rule and has sex with a man the first night, she should wake up the next morning before he does and freshen her makeup.  she should put on a pair of high heels and her housecoat, and get her legs looking good.”

It’s not a bad book for a library to have, necessarily.  It’s just very plainly written, so it belongs in a library that knows its audience well.

Holly

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28 Responses to Relationship Advice From a Pro

  • Do I detect just the hint of a fetish here? I find it interesting that Big Boom’s “turnaround” did not apparently extend to understanding the correct use of chairs and tables…

  • Personally, I don’t think being “grossed out” by the title makes you a prude, it just means you have more taste and class than “Big Boom” and his publishers.

  • Alice, if I had a Louis Vuitton recliner I would be afraid to sit on it, too! That must have cost more than my house.

    The quote about the one night stand just confuses me. High heels and a housecoat? Does he mean a bathrobe, or one of those polyester numbers with the zipper up the front? Who would wear either of those with heels? And I’m not sure if he means that she should shave or do some leg lifts to “get her legs looking good.”

  • Ick, ick, ick.

  • “…put on her heels and her housecoat?” This was written in this decade? Are we sure?

  • “The title kind of grosses me out. Does that make me a prude?”

    NO.

    …egads. How’d you find a book about sex and relationships even *more* messed-up than yesterday’s?

  • I suspect this book is rife with misogynistic hogwash, so go ahead and be grossed out.

  • I agree with Daniel.; well said! The title is degrading.

  • Sometimes though you need plain, hard words to get through to people. I’ve know a lot of girls and women with whom the more tasteful terms will not work. They don’t need Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, they need someone who can be as vulgar as a Jerry Springer guest and as plain harsh talking as Judge Judy.

    So yeah, there’s a market for this and both Big Boom and his publishers know that.

    As for the correct use of chairs and tables, as a fat person myself, though not quite as hefty as Big Boom, but still up there, I know some chairs are just not comfortable to sit in because of the arms.

  • I notice he stole the zebra rug from a previous interior decorating book.

  • Yuck. Again, not female friendly. For someone who thinks women should demand respect for themselves, he sounds very disrespectful to me. Telling a woman to keep her legs closed is rude.

  • For those interested, you can preview a few chapters (and get a few chuckles) out of his book here: http://books.simonandschuster.com/If-You-Want-Closure-in-Your-Relationship-Start/Big-Boom/9781416546467/browse_inside

  • The title is a great example of what the feminist blogosphere calls “slut-shaming”. I agree with PJ.

  • Wow, so blatantly sexist. How about you keep having sex whenever you like, but have it with men who aren’t like an ex-pimp? If I put on HEELS in the morning after a one-night stand, guys would think I was crazy!

  • If this is how Big Boom dresses now, how did he dress when he was pimpin’?

  • This book is probably the most tasteless one ever listed on this website.

  • Jami, you may be right, but I suspect the kinds of women you’re talking about are not readers.

  • “It’s not a bad book for a library to have, necessarily.”
    Clearly, I’d make a lousy librarian. This book is a piece of garbage and belongs in the bin.
    jesus.

  • Circ stats?

  • Dinah – Yeah. The ones I’ve known who need this book – along with drug rehab and a few other things – probably haven’t read a book since forced to in elementary school.

    I guess the “sexist” thing is in the eye of the beholder. He’s just saying a man doesn’t usually respect a woman who spreads her legs in the first five minutes of meeting him. The mystery is gone. I see it more as “tough love” and “plain talk for those too dense to get the polite talk.” Or “dumbing it down for those who make Paris Hilton look like Albert Einstein.”

    But that’s just me. I know most folks don’t agree with me – but I’ve known too many people who need to be smacked upside the head. Women and men both. Some it’s taken having them thrown in jail for a night or even spend months homeless before they realized that they were throwing their lives away. And if it takes a book like this – which younger girls are more likely to listen to than the one below, honestly – to wake them up, so be it.

    Personally, I’d rather see them reading books like “How To Be A Hepburn In A Hilton World” – even though it’s not about sex it’s just about carrying yourself like a lady, still, I would think it would trickle down into how they act in the bedroom as well.

    Plus, I just really like that book. LOL

  • Jami, if a man doesn’t respect a woman because she was willing to have sex with him within (insert arbitrary time limit here) the fault is with the man, not the woman, and she should summarily dump him and find someone capable of behaving like an adult in the 21st century.

    (My 2¢)

  • LOL, Lurker, the rug is from the decorating book of a few days ago! “Closure” on a relationship–doesn’t that usually mean that it’s over? The publishers tried too hard to get a snappy way to say “close your legs” and chose this nonsensical title. The housecoat, freshen your makeup, heels, “get your legs looking good”–oh my god so weird and dated and strange. I hate all these books that make it clear that men have no capacity for love!! It’s sexist and it pisses me off.

  • We have this book, and it has checked out 13X in 3 yrs….pretty good reason to keep it. It seems like some of the people commenting on this site want to get rid of this ‘cuz they find it offensive. This is NOT a good reason to weed something!

  • A book of rules for women that’s written by a man? I never need to see another one of those for the rest of my life.

  • I’m sorry, but neither this book nor the last one is in any way “plain talk”. If they were, they would be giving good advice in a blunt way. These give terrible advice in an insulting way.

  • PJ–YES, thank you! Agreed wholeheartedly. You should respect anyone you have sex with, one-night stand or long-time lover. I know of many relationships that started as one-night stands, and if there hadn’t been respect there for each other at the get-go, those people would have missed out on a great relationship. A man loses respect for a woman who has sex on the first date, even though HE ALSO had sex on the first date? Sorry, that man is acting sexist, not classy.

  • Quoting Elizabeth: “A man loses respect for a woman who has sex on the first date, even though HE ALSO had sex on the first date? Sorry, that man is acting sexist, not classy.”
    He’s also acting hypocritical and illogical! Maybe he should be worried about what the woman thinks of him for sleeping with her on the first date.
    😀

  • “…the next morning before he does and freshen her makeup. she should put on a pair of high heels and her housecoat, and get her legs looking good.”
    How do we get our legs to look good? Shave them? But, she already has on high heels and a housecoat (Is that a robe? Does anyone call them that anymore, or is it a regional thing?) And, if you accept an invitation to spend the night (“late-night stayover”) isn’t that already assuming you will “part your legs”? What tasteless phrases Mr. Boom (Big?) uses!