Massage Ecstasy For Cats

Friday Fiction: World Swappers
The Scourge of Blogs

cat massage cover

Cat Massage
Ballner
1997

I would probably be a sucker for this book, even though I know it will probably disappoint me. It did. Basically, cat massage is a fancy term for petting your cat. I happily tried to “massage” my cats. They did not appreciate and actively tried to maneuver my hands into their preferred petting mode. I didn’t even realize that they had a preferred mode until I tried to deviate from the normal petting routine. They were also not “nicer” nor, did they make grooming easier. They were mostly irritated that I wrecked the schedule they had perfected over 5 years of careful manipulation of my behavior.

Lesson learned,

Mary

cat massage back cover

why cat massage

pictures of cats

how to position your hands for cat massage

head message for cat

petting cats

tips for cat massage

9 comments

  1. The kitten on the cover is adorable. Looks like the rest is just hokum. Nothing will make trimming nails easier!!

  2. Gobsmacked. And thinking of all the time I have wasted trying to get editors to look at my books. If only I’d known I could’ve just pitched petting your cat.

  3. Reminds me of a weird video I saw on Youtube. The cat seemed to enjoy it, but he may have been heavily sedated first for all I know. The lady in it even said your cat may feel such pleasure by the massage he may “forget to close his mouth and drool”. Yeah… I wonder if she wrote this book?

  4. “Massage… replaces blood with fresh nutrients.” Ummm… Not sure that’s really such a good thing, somehow. Blood might be messy when you cut yourself, but it does have it’s uses. Can ‘Fresh Nutrients’ circulate oxygen through the body, for instance? 😛

    1. To be fair, I have a friend that signs with her deaf cat. The cat even “signs” back. When she wants anything from me, however, she hits me and screams. Apparently I’m too stupid to speak.

  5. Is it just me or do all those (and most cats that have books trying ‘teach’ them something they don’t want to learn) cats look like they want to kill someone?

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