As Holly and I prepare for ALB’s “best of” list for 2016, I have decided to tell everyone just how powerful a librarian I am. Holly is too. Evidently, I have the power to ruin all sorts of things in our daily lives and wreak havoc everywhere. Here are some of the wonderful /evil things I have perpetrated among during my reign of terror in library service.
Although I may have appeared to have abused my powerful library skills, I am in fact, really not that bad. I really don’t want to RUIN everything. I have really tried to keep my evil powers in check.
- I have been told it is my fault because the Farmer’s Almanac did not say it would rain on their precious daughter’s wedding day.
- I have also been requested to predict the weather over a year in advance more times than I can count. In one instance, it was implied that I would be “reported” to a local Detroit TV weatherman.
- I have ruined a family event as a meeting room was not available on a particular date. According to the patron, this disappointment will kill all the elderly relatives that were attending.
- I have been accused of corrupting the youth by offering programming that celebrated a satanic holiday (aka Halloween), accused of hating America because I didn’t have a 4th of July event, and discriminating against gifted kids because our Summer Reading program didn’t have a special, separate program for gifted toddlers.
- Evidently, I am also responsible for breaking Google and the Internet. Evidently our library is “too cheap to pay for the good Google and Internet.”
- I have also ruined the reading experience: because our library chose to use receipts instead of stamping the books.
- I have ruined the entire library: because we have too much “liberal clap trap” and/or too much “conservative crap”
- I also ruined a used book sale at the library because I insisted that the volunteers take down a sign that said “Black People Books”.
- Ruining summer reading by not having a competitive reading contest, because how will we know who the “best” reader is?
- Ruining a vacation, because I should have told them that it might snow. In January. In Michigan.
I know that everyone out there in library land is also pretty good at ruining everyone’s life and/or day as we all continue to fight the good fight in service and literacy. We are with you!
Peace, Love, and Stable Library Funding in 2017
Mary and Holly