Keep on Rollin’

roller skating

Keep on Rollin’: The Complete Guide to Roller Skating in America

Submitter: This gem was pulled reluctantly from the shelves of a rural library in Oregon.  If I see the Swirnoffs on the street, I’m calling the police and having dad locked away for the sake of all the animals in the neighborhood.  Please let that be keys in his pocket.  Please let that be keys in his pocket…

Holly: At first – ahem – I looked at his front left pocket, but maybe that is his (dislocated?) knee bent.  The lady behind him is goosing him – oh, wait, that’s her hand holding his back pocket just like the little girl is holding her pocket to complete the train. Could be keys in his front pocket… Ha ha!  This is hilarious!

skating with the dog


  1. Oh I remember roller skates like that! In fact, I remember having a pair that you attached to a shoe with a key. I think I “inherited” them from my dad. Or maybe they were mom’s. They’re probably still stored away somewhere.

    I never could get the hang of skating, though.

  2. At first I thought this book was about Limp Bizkit. Fortunately, it isn’t. That’s a relief.

    But good god! Dad, dad, dad, dad, dad. Where did we go wrong here?

  3. What’s with the lady on the front cover?
    I remember my parochial grade school in PA doing events at the local roller skating rink; they were fun! I fared ok once I got the roll of it…

  4. Huh. Once the Swirnoffs figured out the advantages and fun of using the dog, I’m guessing that the dog did all the exercise from then on.

  5. Sure, the book is dated. But, the skates haven’t changed. At least now that Roller Derby is back! Check the sites for Roller Derby skates and they are just the same, even down to the sneaker style stripes. My son goes skating a lot, and until recently didn’t use inline skates at all. The rentals are mostly like these. Though, these photos are giggle-worthy! The guy on the cover in his white pants! Or that kid, is he (she?) supposed to look skater tough? I could NEVER skate! Ice or roller. I wouldn’t think of trying inline.

  6. The author, Sharon Boorstin, was the daughter-in-law of Librarian of Congress Daniel Boorstin (now deceased).

  7. My first thought when I looked at the trio on the front cover was, “They see me rollin’ – they hatin'”.
    And that’s when I realized I’d had a pop culture overload and that I should probably go read “Pride and Prejudice” sans zombies and get offline for awhile.

  8. @Leslie – YES! Awesomeness!

    Anyway, I have three major questions about this book. (Four if you count the keys-in-pocket thing.)
    1. How do you rollerskate without being terrified of the extra 2-3″ you’ll drop when you fall? ‘Cause I could never get past that.
    2. Where do the Swirnoffs hit the slopes? I really thought that picture was somewhere in LA.
    3. When the author named them the Swirnoffs, was he/she drinking?

  9. I loved to roller skate, especially on the old slate slab walks in my neighborhood (slidier, less friction than the concrete ones). Of course, you had to jump over the uneven crevices in between. I wore the key on a shoestring lanyard. Memories!
    How about that naughty song, “I’ve got a brand new pair of roller skates, you’ve got a brand new key”?

  10. Oh, dude, that is NOT COOL!

    No, not the rollerskaters, they’re hilarious – but the fact that that poor Pyrenees is on a CHOKE CHAIN. My god, weren’t they even THINKING??? I hope his fur is thick enough to give him a cushion…