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Implement Weaponry

101 Weapons for Women: Implement Weaponry: A Unique Concept in Women’s Self-Defense
by Rodney R Rice
1991

Thank you, submitter, for another look at women’s self-defense.   This one does have some good advice, but it’s a little out of date.  Who has a banana clip in their purse?  A computer disk?  A cactus? Is that a bra she’s choking the guy on the cover with?  They don’t come off quite that quickly or easily…

Check out these images from inside the book:

These are great ways to hurt your attacker, but makeup implements always seem to fall to the bottom of the purse.  Do you really want to dig around for them?

Ouch!  Here’s a reason to keep a cactus handy!  I generally don’t have tapes or disks at the ready, though.  Maybe a CD…

I also haven’t seen any metal file boxes in a while.

Now floss I’ve got!

It’s like a movie where the woman slaps the man with gloves!  My fleece gloves might not be as effective as a nice leather pair, though.

Wouldn’t the straw just bend?  Were straws made of tougher stuff in 1991 than they are now?

Will mp3 players and iPods work just as well?  They’re certainly smaller and lighter weight than the old tape-playing Walkman was.

Holly

0 Responses to Implement Weaponry

  • I love this site! HA-You can’t make this up if you tried!!!

  • Cactus to the groin! What a classic. In a way, they could have just written one sentence for their book and called it quits: “Use whatever’s handy.” One thing I noticed, though, is that in a lot of the illustrations, the man has his shirt off. Obviously he’d have to be shirtless for a woman to penetrate his heart with a drinking straw (!), but I wonder how often a man takes his shirt off when attacking a woman. Probably not often.

    • If it’s a date rape type of situation, it might be fairly likely for the man to be in a state of partial undress. Might explain the bra-attack, too.

  • I’ll bet you could leave a bruise with an iPhone.

  • I’m also a little concerned that many of these defenses are meant to be potentially lethal or at least crippling. Headband in the eyes? Brush or straw into the heart? I would think that book should differentiate between those types of attacks and those meant to stun or temporarily disable the attacker

    • “OH! It would appear this gentleman is attempting to violate my virtue! But I wouldn’t want to be uppity about it… Let me take a moment to consider what I shall do to incapacitate him without actually harming him. Because harming a man would be unfeminine after all.”

      If I’m being raped, that mutha’s goin’ DOWN. I’ll worry about whether I was strong enough to kill him after I’ve subdued him. In that situation, I don’t have time to worry about “proportionate response.” Are you seriously worried that the rapist might get injured? What about the victim???

  • This is better than HBO. Really.

  • wait till the airport security folks see this!

    • Noooo, then we’ll all have to travel naked, wrapped in bubble wrap, cause technically you can kill someone by jabbing them hard enough in the eye with your finger.

  • Oh my goodness, I cannot stop laughing at this. This is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time. I love the dental floss. Wow. I want this book just for giggles.

  • I think if you’re going to go to the effort of figuring out how to kill a man with an eyebrow pencil, you should just put a knife in your purse.

  • These folks were thinking outside the box, so they should be credited for that. Still, the floppys, the VHS boxes, and a few other things need to be changed.

    • Floppy disc? Maybe. But do you think I could do any kind of damage with my little flash drive? Maybe shove it down his throat so it chokes him …?

  • The real expert on this kind of thing is Jason Bourne.

  • So basically…. grab something and hit him in the eye, neck, or groin

  • I agree that some of the materials shown are less than optimal, but the author is 100% correct on the need for a defensive mindset. From personal experience, a hardback book, when slammed against someone’s hands, can give you enough room to start moving to get away from them (I should have aimed for his face but I was in near panic mode). Anything to disrupt the attacker’s mental scenario of how he or she thinks the encounter is going to go. Hot coffee in the face worked for one guy (“Never bring a gun to a coffee fight”), again by disrupting the mugger’s mental script. Your mind is the most important weapon you can carry.

  • You let your makeup roll loose in your purse? I keep mine in makeup bags.

    I think a nice sharp metal nail file would be more effective then a lipstick brush. (Does anyone even use those anymore outside of makeup artists?)

    And I would think the cord from an iPod’s earphones would work for strangling an attacker.

  • Hmmm…wonder what you could do with a flash drive…

  • Best. Cover. Ever.

  • Jennifer Beals got hers off pretty fast in Flashdance (1983.)

  • No, you’re wrong. This is the most awesome book ever.

  • Martha Stewart uses straws to keep the layers in wedding cakes from squishing each other…

  • Hilarious! I’m wiping mascara off my face now
    Seriously though, who knows where to get a bag that can hold all that defensive stuff yet allow you to actually find it. I can’t find a thing in my handbag.

    The cover reminded me of doing judo at school as a kid. We did judo all term then I went home (I was at boarding school) and tried it on my soldier dad. He just got out of any move with a flick of his wrist. I had to ask him to stand in a certain position so any of my judo moves worked. I suspect the girl on the cover of this book asked her attacker to hold on while she whipped her bra off and was ready to defend herself!

  • In order for the straw trick to work, you have to be sure to keep a fingertip over one end of the straw. That way the straw fills up with air and becomes stronger. That being said, using a lot of the methods in this book would require a mindset that I don’t think most of us have. A good hard kick to the groin or a stomp on the instep may be all you need to get a head start.

    • I sincerely doubt the straw could penetrate the skin. It would have to be going extremely fast to build up enough force. I think you should send this book to MythBusters! They’d love it.

  • To consider: Concealed weapon ie. gun in purse. This disrupts a muggers mental script—Oh yeah.

  • It may look silly but I don’t think it’s too bad actually. Some things might still definitely work, though I’m not going to carry a floppy for it.

    If you use an iPhone to defend yourself, there’s a chance you won’t have receiption afterwards, or anyways.

    Living in an Euro-country has rendered the trick with the coins useless.

  • How dangerous could a plastic straw be?

  • I wonder how many of these suggestions would get a woman put in prison for murder if she actually implemented them? Cutting a guy’s throat with dental floss??

    If you’re in real danger and have not been sitting around contemplating killing someone, this book amounts to “use whatever you’ve got on hand to protect yourself.” Fingernails, feet, and your own hands might be easier than some of the things in this book. A cactus might be effective, but 1) how likely are you to have one on hand and 2) what is the likelihood that you will stab yourself with it while trying to jab the guy in the groin?

  • Wait… On the cover, is that woman using her bra to strangle the guy?

  • Love your site! Discovered you just the a.m.

  • my old MP3 player (creative zen xtra) had a metal case and it was a damn brick, it made a pretty good weapon when needed.

    i’ll skip the makeup brushes and just use my pens. they’re in an easy to reach spot… but i think choking with my purse strap (it’s a cross body bag) or smacking him in the face with the purse itself would be the easiest.

  • I remember reading in a similar book is that the best defence a person (of either sex) can use when confronted by an attacker is to soil themselves. It might sound absolutely disgusting, but if you stop and think about it, the assailant might be so put off by the smell and mess that he will hightail it.

    • Cops debunked that one years ago. Said that women who defecated while being raped not only continued to be attacked but the rapists made them women eat their own feces.

  • Anything harder then your hand makes for a decent improvised weapon, As Arleen Mathers proved when she beat her BF to death with her iPod – http://www.liquidgeneration.com/rumormill/ipod_killing.html

  • Bra-girl to the rescue!
    How… I mean… What? OK, I’m guy, I’m sure you girls have far less trouble taking your braa off than we do, but… how do you get it off fast enough – WIHTOUT even taking your blouse off before ???

  • I am biting my lip to stop myself from laughing on the InfoDesk – best site EVER!!!!

  • That is the worst book I’ve seen on this site. Truly awful.
    Thanks for keeping the blog going, by the way.

  • I refuse to believe that a straw will kill someone, even if your thumb is covering the end.

  • Oh my this made my day, the potted cactus in the groin is hilarious!

    The author clearly knows the weak points of ones attacker ie: eyes, temple, neck, groin etc. but he’s clearly underestimating how long it would take to implement some of his strategies.

    I mean, who has time to wrap dental floss around your hands to garrote someone with, while they’re trying to attack you in turn? No one, it’s impractical in the extreme.

  • Could this be any better. I love the potted plant!

  • I just want to know why Ray Stevens was out attacking women. Were sales of “God Bless the U.S.A.” THAT bad before 2001?

  • I seriously doubt any of these ridiculous solutions would work. You would have to be Buffy the Vampire Slayer to actually implement any of them successfully. You’d be much better kicking the guy to get a head start and running as fast as you could.

  • Ok, you guys are missing the point about the straw. You don’t stab a guy with it. You put one end one his chest and suck really hard, leaving a really nasty hickey. Then you can easily identify your attacker in a line-up at the police station.

  • He wants to have sex with you without your consent, and your “defense” is to attempt to decapitate him with dental floss or gouge his heart out with your ballpoint pen? I’m sorry, but there is a difference between self defense and manslaughter. Not funny.

    • If he wants to destroy my life and well being for some selfish self gratification then I would feel more than justified with lethal force self defense. Maybe it might give some guys pause if an average woman’s reaction to an attempted rape was to successfully decapitate him with dental floss, claw out his eyes, or stab him. I think it would do a lot towards making the world a better place, that or we have just found the guide book to the new genre of slasher horror where EVERYTHING is a weapon most gruesome………

  • Check out the girl “striking temple with corner of cassette box” – she can’t keep a straight face!

    Anyway, nowadays you can get knives that look like lipstick, so who cares?

  • This one is tapping a deep, deep vein. Betcha the writer here, a man in case we hadn’t noticed, is composing this book out of something more convoluted than promoting his self-defense courses down at the Y. The pictures…. There’s something about this that says “fetish” to me, to be blunt. (Hence the shirtless images, you know?)

    • Also: the “choking with a bra” image on the cover. This isn’t what it seems to be. That’s a fantasy going on for our author.

  • Gamers would love these! Imagine Lara Croft whipping off her glove and going “Whapwhapwhapwhap!” until her assailant dissolves! Accumulate enough life points and she can buy VHS cassettes, dental floss, and makeup brushes! Earn a cactus for every level completed!

  • Hilarious, but each pic is so so serious. I laughed until I nearly cried.

    The cactus to the groin is applause-worthy. I’m telling my daughters that one for future use.

  • Agreeing that this is a fetish book for the author, at least. It seems to say, “In the height of passion she might kill you in a variety of ways. How exciting!”
    Agreeing with both sides on how appropriate it is to kill a sexual attacker. This book takes it to the extreme. I would *not plan* to kill an attacker by studying a sick book like this, and I would not adopt some of these strategies (aiming for a man’s heart with a weapon/ cutting throat with dental floss = bad idea). Besides, just think of the potential for backfire with something like the dental floss one. You pull out some floss, cut it, wrap it around your hands, and then he applies the pressure and cuts your hands. Fail.

  • I love that image of the woman stabbing the man with an mascara applicator, he’s looking down with interest & just letting her do it!
    I would be no good I can never find my mobile phone or bus pass in my bag & I don’t carry dental floss. I read a spy novel once where the protagonist killed his attacker with dental floss. Would it really be possible to garrotte someone with the stuff…. but how would you unwind it in time….?

  • I got all my best self-defense ideas from the movies and TV: a pen (“Casino”), a fork (“Grosse Point Blank”), hot coffee (“Fast Times at Ridgemont High”), a blast of Binaca (“Seinfeld”). Hey, I’m all set.

  • omg it’s a floppy discs! That’ll scare him!
    Otherwise use that fallback cactus 🙂

  • As for the straw, my Dad says that when he was a boy (1950s) straws used to be made of paper and before you finished your drink they’d be mushy and useless. However, he said he annoyed his mom to no end by plunging dry straws through potatoes using the same method described in this book (cover the hole with your thumb first).

  • “Excuse me! Could you hold still for just a sec while I saw at your neck with dental floss?”

  • Seriously, MythBusters. They’d probably die laughing at the idea.

  • Goofy and dated though this book may be, the idea that a woman can’t use is deadly force to fend off a man who is bigger than her and who is attacking her is far more dangerous. The instructor in a self-defense workshop I attended made the point that it is important to consider what you will do before an attack occurs and that during an attack you need to be totally committed to your response. You strike at the attacker’s most vulnerable areas as hard as you can and with whatever you can, and if you can’t commit to that counterattack don’t start it, lest you enrage the attacker further. Whether one can respond to violence with violence is a personal ethical decision, and no one in that situation should be criticized for their choices.

  • Princess Leah would be screwed trying that bra strangle. And yeah, it seems that this was more of a taco meat picture book, that a self defense book for ladies. Or, maybe a stand-in-risque-poses-with-wierd-objects-near-my-junk book.

    Rad.

  • I’m not very confident in my ability to remove my bra fast enough to strangle a guy with it, so I guess I’ll just keep a large cactus with me at all times from now on…

  • Yes, Steve. That would be EXACTLY my defense. I would absolutely decapitate a would-be rapist with dental floss and I think it’s a little creepy that you think that’s going overboard. Stay out of my neighborhood.

  • Woman should have a little weapon or she can master the little martial art that make she can’t be or not easy to be raped…
    http://budinurdiansyah.wordpress.com/
    http://budinurdiansyah.blogspot.com/
    http://budinurdiansyah.multiply.com/

  • Wow. Really? This Steve guy thinks that it would be an unjustified kill if a woman kills the man who is trying to rape her? Are you f—ing joking? I would absolutely be using legal force in this situation and hope that any woman would. This book is sadly amusing and very unrealistic, but the basic point of self defense is no joke. If someone threatens MY life, you bet I’ll be using lethal force to protect myself.

  • I carry a knife in my purse after a series of muggings in the parking lot but how refreshing to know that I can strangle would be attackers with my headphone cords, or gouge their eyes out with my debit cards.

    On a side note, my boss just assassinated our office plant…I think I may suggest a cactus in its place.

  • There’s something about this that looks very much like The 3 Stooges.

  • The straw may not cut into his chest, but piercing a potato with a straw has been a staple of science tricks for a long time. However, it’s a misconception that it’s the air pressure in the straw that makes it work, even though you will find countless sources telling you so, claiming that you have to cover the end of the straw so that the air pressure will make the straw strong enough.

    Covering the end may help you, though, to apply pressure on the straw evenly, which is the real secret to keeping it rigid enough to pierce the hard object. If the pressure isn’t applied straight in the direction of length of the straw, the straw will, as expected, bend.

    Sources aren’t very convincing, since there are many books and websites that cite the air pressure theory and insist that it’s necessary to cover the end of the straw, but FWIW here’s one source debunking the air pressure theory (sorry it’s in pdf).

  • She was a professional. Do not try that at home.

  • …and attempted rape IS funny?!

  • I love the way it’s always the same man! There’s your answer then. Except in one picture he’s shaved his beard off to fool you.

  • I am going to carry a cactus in my purse from now on!

    • After much trial and error, I find a small to medium sized cactus sufficient to the self-defense needs of myself and family, however, conversely, have nothing positive to note regarding the self-defense efficacy of the ivy, fern, or spider-plant.

  • “wait till the airport security folks see this!”

    I’ve often maintained that the security folks are IDIOTS for banning my nail-clipper with the 3/4″ DULL file blade, but allowing 6″ long, sharp-pointed gel-pens. Even though I normally (when not flying) carry two Swiss Army knives (the larger with a 3-1/2″ large knife-blade), I’d be more likely to use one of the pens in a fight, because the knives aren’t lock-blades and could fold up on my fingers.

    While the specific items shown in this book are dated, the basic information’s valid: lots of household (office, purse) items can HURT if you use them to hit HERE, HERE, or HERE. Whether you’re using an eyebrow pencil or a gel-pen, the places you should stab are the same. Whether it’s a videotape or an insulated commuter mug, if you hit someone on the temple hard enough, you can put him DOWN.

    While the cactus-plant-to-the-crotch might look silly, the repeated theme in all the photos is where and how to hit, and especially, how to “fight dirty”. Unfortunately, too many women still aren’t willing to “go for the goolies” even when their lives are on the line.

  • Ever since Apple came out with the IPod, there has been nothing but excitement for the future of digital music players. Even though Apple still rules this marketplace, there are other MP3 players that are out there for you to use as well. Some of these MP3 players also let you carry around more digital files than just music. They will let you use the device as a thumb drive storage system as well. This is very convenient but it can also have a downside that comes with it. With the ability to use the devices in this manner, they can also be used to spread malware to other systems. This is why you must be careful when you load different files into these MP3 players. Even some of the MP3 files that you load into system may be carrying malware in them

  • A handful of spare change may just confuse him or allow him to buy some coffee after he has violated your anus.

  • DENTAL FLOSS!

  • Glaringly absent from this excellent list of effective self-defense devices, is the ultimate in home and self defense, the A-1 Protection “Poo Stick.” http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/761807/
    (Just remember, manufacture of the Poo Stick should be left to licensed professionals, and at no point should one fool around trying to make their own Poo Stick, neither.)

  • I agree with Carolyn. I’m taking a martial arts self defense class and the instructor tells us to use whatever means necessary to protect ourselves. In the moment of attack you don’t know what his intentions are and if you pause to consider you could be dead. You lay your hands on me or my child and you’ll wish for a cactus to the groin.

  • Now I know why my husband got rid of all the cacti in our house!

  • I don’t understand why you have to go for something to hit them with. I mean, hitting someone in the throat is going to incapacitate them whether it’s with your hand or with the thing you’re holding in your hand. Save your self the time it takes to dig through your purse. Also, as far a going for the groin, my sister took a self defense class where the instructor said that you shouldn’t do that. If a guy sees that you were aiming for there and you miss, he’s going to be angry. If you have a clear shot, fine, but if there’s any chance you might not make it, go for the eyes instead.

  • So, how long exactly does it take to decapitate someone with dental floss?Because I’m thinking that I’m not interested in that kind of time commitment. I think it would just be easier to whack him with my e-book reader.

  • A lot of these things are really handy, I have to admit (except for the floss—seriously, would you ask the attacker for some extra time so that you can wrap the floss around your finger to attack them with it? I think not!). When I was little, my father told me that if I was ever about to be assaulted, always aim for the eyes—no matter how big and strong the attacker is, there’s no way they could reasonably resist a gouged eye! If they’re not writhing on the floor in pain (and potentially screaming), you’d at least have a good chance to run the hell away.

    So, yes, always aim for the eye. The good thing is that there are many items/methods available to stab someone in the eye, including your fingers! Luckily for me, I’ve never had to use any self-defense tricks, and I hope I never have to.

  • I would just like to point out that if you had all of that stuff in your purse, the actual purse would become quite a formidable weapon. Just knock the guy out cold. In fact, you could hit him with that book.