How to be a smooth operator

Hello, Angels!
Friday Fiction Fun: Let the swooning begin

Shy Man's Guide to Success with WomenThe Shy Man’s Guide to Success With Women
Heggy
1994

I just love when I find a good dating advice book.  The librarian in me does appreciate the contact log and cataloging your conversations with women (with the requisite “room for improvement” section). I am sure a more modern version of this idea would be a cool searchable database complete with an app for your smart phone.   Aside from my momentary cataloging  rush, this poor dating book really feels like an employee performance review guide.

Dating books do age almost as fast as the technology books.  Run, don’t walk, to the dating section of your library and save the single men and women from this material!  Please give them something newer.

Mary

Shy Man's Guide to success with women back cover

Places to meet women

contact log form

opening lines

starting conversations

24 comments

  1. The only bars without alcohol (see “Places to Meet Women”) that I’ve ever heard of are the rural “juice bars” in my native state of South Dakota that exist solely to skirt the law prohibiting establishments that serve alcohol from also hosting topless dancers.

  2. This is great stuff! The title of this post makes me think of that song “Smooth operator” by Sade….now that tune is stuck in my head…darn it!

  3. Those four guidelines are sound advice. They are good ideas for meeting people in general.

    The examples, though, could be better.

  4. So, have these books really ever worked? Are they even necessary? With all the dating sites on the internet there is surely a path to success for all but the most disturbed individual.

  5. You have a point, HOWEVER……

    Can anybody demonstrate that a book on this topic published in the past two or three years actually adds anything to the discussion other than new cover design and typeface? As far as I know, ALL these dating books, and perhaps most self-help books in general, are simply repackaged assemblages of the same old advice repeated and rearranged ad nauseaum. Oh, sure, maybe they don’t tell you how to club the woman over the head and drag her off by her long hair anymore, but seriously, at some point one of those women’s magazines like Cosmo will accidentally manage to reprint an entire issue verbatim from a past issue.

    This, of course, leads right to my favorite library joke:
    “Excuse me, can you tell me where the self-help books are?”
    “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that would be defeating the purpose, now, wouldn’t it?”
    (Yes, yes, I really, literally had this exchange verbatim with a bookstore customer one time, then ran off, swung around a bookshelf, and came back to find the most shell-shocked, embarrassed customer in history, all but screeching “I can’t believe I just ASKED that!!!!”)

  6. Contact Log Responses:

    (1) Verbal:

    She called me (1) a creep, (2) a f*ckin* weirdo, (3) a perv

    (2) Physical:

    She hit me in the (1) face, (2) solar plexus, (3) b*ll*cks

    Check the little lady’s responses, both Verbal and Physical. If her responses fall more into the (1) catergories above, you’re doing quite well. If they tend towards the (3)s above, then having any kind of sexual relationship with anybody probably isn’t really for you (you sad loser).

  7. If you’re looking for something to replace this with, though, be careful of the growing genre of pick-up artist guides. They often have titles similar to this one (jerks who are bad with women framing themselves as “shy nice guys” is a thing), and the “learn how to” list on the back is also reminiscent of the genre. The actual content of the sample pages looks decent, though. Pick-up artist books may be appropriate for some collections, but make sure you have something for guys who see women as people but would like to improve their dating skills.

  8. “You sure have large breasts! Can we have sex right now?” sounds like a line from ‘Family Guy’.

    Giggidy!

  9. While I haven’t been on a date in years, sometimes I feel like publishing a book on how men can get dates. It would be short though. Consisting of the following.

    1: Have good hygiene. You can be the nicest guy in the universe and so sexy even dedicated straight men would want to sleep with you, but if you have smelly breath, green teeth, boogers in your nose, and BO, even a schizophrenic homeless hooker who thinks you’re Jesus Christ won’t date you.

    2: Be yourself. Women hate fakes. Though if your real self is a condescending jerk, get therapy. Don’t beat women, children, or animals. Unless they’re threatening your life or the life of someone you love.

    3: Be nice.

    4: Don’t be afraid to make the first move. Nothing is more unattractive then a man who’s such a coward he can’t even say “Hello.” Remember, women are constantly under pressure from society to conform to a certain standard of beauty. The most beautiful woman in the universe might have some small flaw she blows out of proportion and thinks she’s too ugly to live. Even if she turns you down, you can walk away knowing you helped boost her self esteem. So you might be dateless, but you just did a good deed.

    5: If you’re a pedophile or rapist, do the world a favor, kill yourself.

    6: Even if you think the things she loves are stupid, don’t make her feel bad. For instance, say you adore Star Wars and she prefers Star Trek. Don’t tell her she’s stupid or an idiot for liking Star Trek better. Just simply say it’s not your thing.

    7: If she owns a pet, be nice to it.

    8: If you own a pet and she wants you to get rid of it, dump her.

    9: Don’t try to make her change careers, unless she’s something bad like a ninja hooker assassin.

    10: Talk about things other than sports. For the love of God, there is more to life than sports!

    The end.

  10. Well, I suppose you could do worse, judging from some of the PUA (pick-up artist) blogs, forums and websites I’ve come across. While some are decent enough, far too many seem to be proverbial internet sewers: full of obnoxious guys constantly bragging about what “dominant alphas” they are (and flaming anyone who dares question their self-proclaimed “alpha dominance”*); peppering their writing with idiotic jargon**; and holding such a cynical view of most people’s motives that they probably could’ve given Stalin himself lessons in paranoia.

    On the subject of the book, damn you for omitting page 96 from the ones you sampled! Now we’ll never know what the author’s great plan to save everyone from freezing was! Was it to douse everyone in gasoline and set them all on fire, perchance?

    While I’ve never heard of anyone using the “You sure have large breasts” line in real life, I’ve known a couple of guys who were so socially clueless I wouldn’t put it past them to have used that line (or something very similar to it) themselves at one point. Both were university students who embodied the stereotype of the guy who’s a genius in his chosen field of study, but a total dolt when it comes to interacting with other human beings. One of them, in fact, pretty much destroyed his chances of romance for the entirety of his time at university by asking a fellow (female) undergraduate, in all innocence, “How is your sex life?” during his first year at the place!

    *Frankly, though, as far as I’m concerned, being “alpha” is one of those things where if you have to tell people you are, you’re almost certainly not!

    **For example, they seem to love, love, LOVE going on all the time about how they’ve “taken the red pill” and “unplugged themselves from the Matrix”, and how they’re therefore better than the rest of us. Sort of reminds me of how insufferable *I* must have been when I discovered Marxism as a teenager, and suddenly knew how the world was *really* run!

  11. Those contact logs are creepy. I wouldn’t be surprised to hear of reams of them existing in the home of that guy who shot up a women’s gym.

  12. Nooo, waiiit! What’s that clever plan for saving us all from freezing?
    Winter’s approaching, snow is falling, and I’m *cold* to my bones already.

    Oh well. And speaking of big breasts. The new trend in pickup-artists is to start off by saying something rude, or otherwise very surprising to the lady, to get her mentally unbalanced and get a conversation started. The trick is supposed to be coming up with a following reply that will make her smile, or giggle, or something. I read Neil Strauss’ the Game out of couriosity, and it’s worth knowing about, if not for anything else, to make it very easy to see through these players.
    And yeah, if you have to tell people that you are alpha anything, then you’re not.

  13. @AnneC – Does this trend explain the complete stranger at a gas station who started teasing me about weedsmoking because I was wearing my Keith Richards For President shirt?

  14. @Jami:

    “9: Don’t try to make her change careers, unless she’s something bad like a ninja hooker assassin. ”

    Find me one man in this world who wouldn’t love to have a ninja hooker assassin girlfriend.

  15. @Masha: Yes, it could be that. Did he have a follow-up line to make you like him after being sufficiently unbalanced? If he didn’t, he was probably just another idiot (the two types are very similar these days…) ;->

    @Jami: A lovely case of parallel surfing, this comic (unless the newspaper changes the url thingy again): http://www.dagbladet.no/tegneserie/nemi/?1320879600
    For those of us unable to read Norwegian, Nemi is saying “your girlfriend is a ninja”

  16. These kind of books make me want to hide in a bunker and surface only when the nukes have obliterated the entire human race.

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