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The Book Blogger Awards 2017

How am I Supposed to Live Without You?

Michael Bolton: The Passion, Secrets, Soul, and Truths
Seeloff, et. al.

Submitter: Reason for weeding:  has not circulated in 5 years. I was pretty confident that we would be the only library in our consortium to have this book. I found out, however, that the central library has a non-circulating copy in its Fine Arts Reference Collection.

At the top of the list, Will Smith’s overwhelmingly effusive praise catches the eye.  Next, David Foster’s quote indicates this was the best response he could come up with after the book editors told him that the quote “Michael Bolton is great!” was already taken by Will Smith.  Michael Jordan’s modest quote is another standout, because, like me, he has a God-given talent with words.

The third picture is a page that belongs to the chapter “A to Z: The Life of Michael Bolton.”  Check out the entries for: lucky charm, lucky number and M.I.T. (omg)

The next page is chock full of Bolton knowledge that readers are sure to enjoy dropping when they time travel back to a suburban dinner party in the 90s. Don’t miss: monogamy, mood music, MTV, and National Library Association (oh no you didn’t!)

Finally, the last picture is a part of a chapter entitled “Close Encounters,” which includes brief uncredited stories from Bolton fan club members.  The story sucked me in with its romance novel tone then slapped me around with its unexpected change in narrative mode. She must have been in a M.I.T. when writing this.

Holly: What more can I say?  Well, there is this: apparently his career began in hard rock and he was in a band called “Blackjack” that toured with Ozzy Osbourne.  Oh, and he wrote the song “Forever,” which was a power ballad on the Kiss album “Hot in the Shade.”  Thank you, Wikipedia!






0 Responses to How am I Supposed to Live Without You?

  • Oh, man. This is the funniest one you’ve ever posted. My favorite entry in the “A to Z” list is Music Reading where he reveals that he still can’t read music technically. Perhaps he can read it non-technically?

  • Ha, I also loved Will Smith’s quote. How vague can you get? He could be talking about anyone or anything.

  • ew….just….I don’t even have words…. : P

  • And they even manage to misspell Stephen Stills name! Bet he was really impressed.

  • I think Michael Bolton is not at all like Michael Jordan. Jordan has talent. Bolton has a mullet.

  • “Fine Arts Reference” ?!?
    Good god … what this man does (did) is NOT “fine arts”.

  • This is spectacular. “That’s Michael. He sings songs.” Good one, Kenny G.

    I especially love the baseball cap on the cover, that just screams classy musician.

  • Apparently, the blurb on the front cover was written by a corporation hired to promote MB.

    I couldn’t believe that the “president” of the fan club quoted on the cover was really named Fan Emporium, so I searched on it.

    “Fan Emporium, Inc. (fanemporium.com) is a Branford, Connecticut firm representing entertainers Mariah Carey, Michael Bolton, Carly Simon, and John Mellencamp. They provide the personal touch producing newsletters, answer fan mail, sell authorized merchandise, and even have a 900 number service for fans to get concert updates and messages from their favorite superstars.”

  • I think Bolton has talent as well. Just in a different area than Jordan.

  • I’m terrified right now. I just know I’m going to have a dream about that creepy ass hair.

  • Is anyone else hearing snippets of “Office Space” dialouge rattling round their head?

    Michael Bolton: At least your name isn’t Michael Bolton.
    Samir: You know, there’s nothing wrong with that name.
    Michael Bolton: There *was* nothing wrong with it… until I was about twelve years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.
    Samir: Hmm… well, why don’t you just go by Mike instead of Michael?
    Michael Bolton: No way! Why should I change? He’s the one who sucks.

  • The celebrity comments actually make me feel sorry for Michael Bolton.

  • This is sort of a “Random” house Encyclopedia. Does World Book have an entry for “macaroni and cheese”?

  • Check out the entry for ‘Love Me Tonight’, written by Michael “Bolotin”. I wonder if that’s due to his hard-rock alter ego phase or just a editor in an “M.I.T.” funk at work. 🙂

  • I knew there had to be a bigger reason I hated the Kiss song “Forever”.. (apart from it being one of many ‘power ballads’ at the time)

    Also, no discussion of Michael Bolton is complete without referencing Office Space.

    Samir: You know, there’s nothing wrong with that name.
    Michael Bolton: There *was* nothing wrong with it… until I was about twelve years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.
    Samir: Hmm… well, why don’t you just go by Mike instead of Michael?
    Michael Bolton: No way! Why should I change? He’s the one who sucks.

  • What I want to know is, does anyone still have the Bolton NLA poster?

  • “Oi, Masha. MASHA! Why aren’t you listening?”
    “Oh, sorry, I was in an M.I.T.”
    “A what?”
    “A Michael-Induced Trance.”
    “Michael who?”
    “Bolton! HELLO!!!”

  • Everything you ever wanted to know about him A-Z…interesting.

  • Quincy Jones’ endorsement sounds like comments on an employee evaluation.
    “Michael Bolton’s committment to his music is evident in the way he gives 100 percent to every performance.”

    • You notice he didn’t mention anything about attendance or punctuality. I find that chillingly telling…

  • This isn’t an awful library book. This is a classic.

    I’m serious. I would love to discover a book like this in the library.

    As that guy from Office Space said, “Which Michael Bolton song is my favorite? I just have to say . . . I love them all.”

    Seriously, though. I would never weed this book.

  • Much Music isn’t a tv show, it’s a cable channel just like MTV is. Misinformation!

  • That quote by Michael Jordan says more about how conceited Jordan is than anything about Bolton!

  • Even though I’m not a fan, I’d rather listen to Michael Bolton then Justin Bieber. Anyone who was discovered pre-Autotune actually had to be able to carry a tune.

  • It was an Age of Hair…
    So glad to learn that Michael likes Macaroni Cheese. The most useful piece of information ever.

  • Kenny G. is a singer?

  • I have no reason to doubt the honesty behind the enthusiasm of Will Smith. If you are reading this, Michael Bolton… you are great.

  • Can we have more page scans, please? This looks so delightfully dreadful! I love how they spend an entire page lovingly describing how one fan’s entire conversation with The Man Himself amounted to “Hi, thanks for coming.” “Sure.”

  • Michael Bolton has fans?! Whoda thunk it?

  • The important thing we really discovered here is that Barry Bonds is a Bolton fan, but quite as animated as Will Smith is.

  • Sorry El Santo; Michael Bolton is not in the pantheon of great musical artist let alone singers. I love the part in office space when the efficency experts interview the poor Michael Bolton worker. They are super in love with the performer Michael Bolton’s music and can’t say enough about it. If only sleazy management everywhere could be distinguished by such extreme bad taste; We could laugh them off constantly

  • The Stephen Stills quote made me lol. He can’t possibly be serious!

  • I celebrate his entire catalogue