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Don’t Touch Me, Chrissy!

Touch Me: The Poems of Suzanne Somers

There’s no denying that Suzanne Somers has been prolific.  She’s written diet books, exercise books, aging books, a biography…and even a poetry book.  It’s awfully sweet and cute and charming; only a little bit nauseating.

If you have scads of extra space in your library, by all means keep it and embrace it and read aloud from it at a poetry reading program.  For everyone else, this is an example of a poetry book that could be weeded without significantly impacting the depth and scope of your poetry collection.


To boldly go where no poetry has gone before 

Pearls of Love, 1983


0 Responses to Don’t Touch Me, Chrissy!

  • Oh my eyes! My eyes!

  • she must have meant, more specifically, “Touch me/ with your nose to my left tit”

  • So if men stand back in deference to their wives, and wives stand back to watch their husbands, wouldn’t they just continue stepping back and back again into infinity?

    Oh, and I also like the guy snuggling between the woman’s breasts. He looks so content!

  • Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful..

  • I love Suzanne, she’s awesome, but dear God, outside of Poe, I despise all poetry. (And don’t tell me that “poems are just songs not set to music” crap. I love music, I hate poetry. It’s SO BORING!)

    Suzanne should’ve stuck to diet books.

  • There’s already a perfectly good song in circulation that summarizes this gal’s poetry:

    “I don’t want anybody else;
    When I think about you, I touch myself!”

  • Love the line about spitballs hitting your nose!

    Please don’t knock at my door,
    I’m not waiting for you.
    Where the disses are hers, and hers, and (still) hers,
    Bad Poetry, too!

  • She appears to have black eyes in the cover pic.

  • Regarding “Beautiful Girls”:

    Sorry, sweetheart, Jamaica Kincaid did it better.

  • Oh you wanted a comment? Sorry…I’m all caught up trying to be akin to a cat, a tree and a flower.

  • The only poets that ever intrigue me are the ones who have committed suicide. Fortunately Suzanne’s poems do not fit that bill.

  • My God, it’s like bad Rod McKuen–and that’s saying something!

  • So beautiful women aren’t allowed to steal another woman’s mate? Aww, it must be so tough to be them.

  • And check this out:

    “Celebrity Autobiography” featuring Rosie Perez reading from Suzanne Somers’ autobiography


    saw it on CBS’ Sunday morning news show.

    Painfully hilarious.

  • Almost as good as the poetry from Spock book.

  • Euww…. It must have been nice to be a celebrity and not have to self-publish this gem.

  • Touch me…
    When I’m on the internet
    Actually, no, don’t bother
    Leave me alone, I’m reading a blog

  • I didn’t even know she had a poetry book. I ran across this by accident. When I read the comments, I was amazed at how many negative people left their comments. When a person shares poetry they are sharing a part of themselves. Who would I be to step on that? Not only step on it, but wipe my shallow feet on it like a mat. Creative people make this world a better place. Beauty is the soul. Thank you for sharing yourself with us Suzanne. Some people will just float away and never be remembered, I’m pleased you are not one of them.