Just like libraries and businesses everywhere, ALB has finally prepared our COVID-19 Response Plan. Sorry it is late. We were busy. I was still reading all my vendors’ COVID-19 response plans. I can get a doctor’s note if you need one.
Awful Library Books (“ALB”) COVID-19 Response Plan
We realize this is a trying time for everyone. As the entire world faces an unprecedented public health emergency, we want to be open about the challenges we are facing and the contingency measures we’re putting in place to serve our public at this critical time. Here at ALB, we endeavor to make your experience at our site as safe as possible. We also want to be totally transparent in our policies and actions given the global pandemic.
We have implemented the following procedures and policies to keep ALB running at peak efficiency.
All our posts have been sanitized for your protection. We even used that weird sticky stuff that you must let sit for at least a minute.
We also recommend wearing a face mask while viewing our content. When we say “wear a face mask” we mean it should cover your mouth and nose. Wearing your face mask only on your chin, or just hanging off your ear or genitalia, or in your pocket, does not count as wearing a mask.
Other changes we have made. ALB staff meetings will be held via Zoom, instead of at local bars. Alcohol will be required, both in hand sanitizer and in cocktails. We have both trained on these differences. We read this article. We both awarded ourselves a continuing education credit.
We also made sure that we used the following words and phrases over and over in our correspondence per our communication policy:
- New Normal
- Trying Times
We are also implementing a social distancing policy of at least 6 feet from people we like and 1 mile from people we don’t like. This is an update and clarification of our “avoid all annoying people” policy from 2010.
As many of our tasks and working conditions have changed, please allow us extra time to complete the following library-related tasks:
- Changing out of pajamas
- Finding our pants
- Putting on a bra
- Looking in the couch cushions for stray M&Ms
- Rage journaling
- Removing cat hair from clothing
- Stopping all the cursing
- Hiding under my desk in the fetal position
- Passive-aggressive email
In all seriousness, we all hope you and yours are safe and healthy.
We wish you peace, love, health, and stable library funding for 2021.
Mary and Holly
P. S. After the holiday, we will be publishing our best/worst of for 2020.