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Advice for the “other” woman

survive your boyfriend's divorce coverHow to Survive Your Boyfriend’s Divorce
Loving Your Separated Man Without Losing Your Mind
Todd and Dormen
1999

I am trying to keep an open mind and I really don’t want to be the crusty old lady that believes that one shouldn’t date married people, but is this really a big information need? The librarian in me thinks that maybe it does address a specific information need, but the woman in me just says ewww!   For what it is worth, the book is a typical discussion using anecdotes to illustrate situations ranging from neediness, his kids, judgmental friends etc.  Regardless of your feelings, it still needs to be weeded as it does contain legal some state specific legal information as part of the appendix. I guess I am glad that I am old and married since I find the idea of dating someone with so much personal baggage too difficult and exhausting–even if Sally Jessy Raphael endorses this book.

Mary

survive your boyfriend's divorce back cover

Pick Your Battles

10 Responses to Advice for the “other” woman

  • I want to thumb through this for the sheer awfulness of it! And hey, by the way, just go take a yoga class!

  • I think the book is a keeper. More, than we care to realize, are in this position. It is easy to say, “Find a man with less baggage.” If you’re in the relationship and you want to stay in the relationship, I find nothing wrong with a self help guide. The comments against this book are overly judgmental. That is not a criteria for weeding.

  • …However, some of the suggestions are a bit bizarre. Yoga?

  • Surely it’s much easier to find support groups and fora – as well as up to date legal information – online these days. Books like this may not be so necessary even if the acceptability of moving on while separated may have increased over the past few decades.
    And I suspect the wife making “outrageous demands” would rather tell husband’s new girlfriend to take a hike rather than take a yoga class.

  • Almost speechless. I guess I’ll make myself scarce and go take a yoga class now! Transitional woman? So, she’s not completely a woman, then? 😀

  • The publication of this book was actually delayed by nearly two years. He kept telling his editor “I’ll have it finished in just two more months. I *promise* this time.”

  • this needs a book? Shouldn’t the advice just be… “don’t go out with men who haven’t got divorced yet.”

    Seriously, a lot of marriages might get patched up again. Actually, do you ever want to be the first relationship after a divorce. Don’t you want to hope the guy might have gone through a few short rebound people first? You’ll have to live up to the first wife, and your flaws won’t be tolerated at all.

  • I understand that in some jurisdictions it’s possible to get a divorce pretty much as soon as you decide you’re through. Here in Ontario, you have to wait a year before you can legally divorce. It doesn’t seem unreasonable–especially for people who have presumably been in non-satisfactory relationships for some time–to want to get involved with someone else before that year is up. That’s the situation I see this book as addressing, not the “Other Woman”.

    @Elita: Speaking as a single woman in her mid-thirties, I have to say I’d be surprised to meet anyone that didn’t have substantial baggage of one sort or another, unless he/she’d been hiding under a rock for the past 20 years.

  • Yeah, right–yoga class and powerful prescription tranquilizers! Or maybe you need to date a guy who doesn’t stress you out. Seriously, if he doesn’t want to plan next winter’s vacation with you, that means that he doesn’t plan on having you around next winter. What’s this “Divorce Time” BS? Maybe his wife is dumping him because he’s got serious commitment issues…and maybe you should read “He’s Just Not That Into You” for insight into what “Divorce Time” really means.

  • Wow, I feel like I have to comment on this because I am divorcing and I am in love with another woman already…

    The problem with these kind of books is that they are very generic. So, it’s supposed to be dedicated to a woman dating a married man… So it talks about children, unsufferable ex, judgmental friends… Well, in my case, I don’t have children with my ex-wife, she agrees to divorce and doesn’t seek any more problems, and all my friends are actually glad to see me happy again rather than miserable like I was on the last year of my marriage.

    So, the woman I’m in love with now is supposed to read that book and learn how do deal with a situation that doesn’t exist… while maybe another girl is dating a guy who is not married but still share a flat and kids with an ex-life partner. My point is : in 2010 you can find yourself in a troublesome relationship without needing the seal of a wedding on the paperworks…

    My girlfriend is a person I have been close for years and has been my principal support during the ordeal I’ve been through with my wife. THat brought us even closer and we didn’t wait when we realized how much we could lean for each other. So surely she wouldn’t even need such a book in the first place.

    But the problems with such books is that they’re the reason why we will have judgmental people saying such general statements as “one shall not be the first relationship after a divorce” and so on. Better weed this kind of things : may you be dating a married man or a convicted murderer, all you need is good folks to support you and not a handbook. There is no manual for life, there is no manual for love.