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80s Teen Fiction

By | Jul 21, 2011

Here’s a list of bad 80s teen fiction.  Enjoy!

Holly

Anything to Win
Miklowitz
1989

Holly: Oh, the 80s.  That hair.  That over sized sweater.  This is the story of a high school football player who takes steroids so he can get a college football scholarship.  At least his motives are good.  I would have thought from the cover that he was trying to impress the girl.

Hey Kid, Does She Love Me? A Novel
Mazer
1984

No More Saturday Nights
Klein
1988

Submitter: Clearly it was fashionable for young boys to carry babies on their backs in the 1980s. I am pretty sure no one at my high school would want to be seen carrying around these gems.

Holly: The babies, or the books?  Ha!

Oh Rick
Bunting
1985

Submitter: At first, I only considered submitting “Oh, Rick!” because I already disposed of our library’s copy of The Rugrats First Kwanzaa.  (I’m not kidding.) Neither title belongs in a current middle school library.  The more I looked at Oh, Rick!, the more awful it was. Oh, Rick! is dated in appearance and content.  It’s an odd small size, which caught my notice as I was straightening a shelf.  It must have been thought of as cute and high interest somewhere between the 1978 and 1984 copyright dates.  Even the cover pictures on my own personal stash of 1980s Silhouette and Sweet Dreams romances look fresher and more current, and I literally couldn’t give them away to students from our free shelf of discards.   The main character, Beth Canning, goes to a “fat farm” and loses 23 pounds in 10 days so that she can attract the attention of dreamy Rick.  She returns to school on Hush Day, when the boys wear button pins that say HUSH.  They aren’t allowed to talk, or the girls can take their Hush buttons.  Beth causes such a stir with her weight loss that boys just can’t restrain from commenting on her lost weight: “You’ve scraped off some lard, kid.  Lose a bit more, and I might even ask you out.”   Beth gets 11 of the boys’ Hush buttons!  She is thrilled, even though it’s not enough to make her Hush Princess like Julie Baker with her 25 buttons.  Rick gives up his Hush button just so he can ask Beth out on a date.  Maybe he’ll even ask her to the May Day dance!

It’s No Crush, I’m In Love!
Foley
1982

Submitter: Creepy and totally inappropriate for any library. I found this in our Catholic High School library. Though, I do like the Tom Selleck style of the teacher who is chewing on the tip of his glasses with a thoughtful expression on his face.

Star Shine
Greene
1985

Holly: Poor Jenny and Mary have to fend for themselves while their mother chases the spotlight.  Mom is styling in those leg warmers and pompoms on her skates!

Space Station Seventh Grade
Spinelli
1982

Submitter: While I’m sure it’s a great book and it’s a well known author, they picked an unfortunate scene for the cover.  When I showed it to a coworker she didn’t understand why I was discarding it.  She thought maybe it was about a group of gay boys in seventh grade and then the picture would fit the story.  I told her that whether that was true or not, it was still inappropriate.  I read the book to try and figure it out and apparently the boys are making fun of a female teacher.  They could have picked a better scene to depict on the cover, now it is stereotyped and few (if any) boys would ever read this.

Holly: They probably don’t want to read it because it is old and irrelevant. There’s probably 80s slang that just sounds stupid to kids today.  The cover is a little strange.  Why are three of them looking directly into the “camera”?  What are they looking at??

36 Comments so far
  1. Melanie July 21, 2011 9:21 am

    I was hopping on here to rabidly defend “Space Station Seventh Grade” because I loved it soooooooo much, but then I remembered that the last time I picked it up was about 20 years ago. Crap. I think I’ve made your case.

    But this book, and “Jason and Marceline” were some of the most genuine writing available about puberty/early teen-hood that I ever picked up in an age where it was much less common (think Judy Blume for boys). Alas, the end of an era.

  2. L.B. July 21, 2011 9:22 am

    Wow. I might just have that copy of Space Station Seventh Grade in my school library. And Spinelli’s such a good writer too. I love the 80′s, but the further I get away from them, the more realistic I become.

  3. Millk July 21, 2011 9:33 am

    I remember reading No More Saturday Nights. My high school library had all the Norma Kleins.

    Oh Rick sounds very — girl empowering?

    I am the proud co-owner (with my sister) of the complete Sweet Dreams teen romance collection.

  4. InfoPump July 21, 2011 10:03 am

    My local library system has over a dozen branches with “Space Station Seventh Grade” in their collections. 3 copies are out on loan, 1 is on the hold shelf, and 1 is on DISPLAY. Wonder if your post had anything to do with it.

    http://catalog.oslri.net/record=b1325149~S1

  5. Lisa July 21, 2011 11:07 am

    I checked the catalogs for my current library and the one from much, much larger system I just moved from. They both carry Space Station Seventh Grade, though the smaller system only on cassette. They do carry the sequel, mentioned above, Jason and Marceline. The larger system, in a huge county near San Francisco (with very poor and very rich patrons) has quite a few. Many are checked out. The cover is an open locker full of books, football etc. The summary is “Seventh-grader Jason narrates the events of his year,; from school,; hair,; and pimples,; to mothers,; little brothers,; and a girl.” They were checked out a few weeks ago, so it isn’t adults wanting to read more after seeing it here! I only did that with that weird one with the pot-smoking grannies! I wish I had Latawnya, the Naughty Horse though! But, I am not willing to pay a minimum of $30 for it.
    Space Station Seventh Grade is probably appropriate to middle school, even now. At least it isn’t another Wimpy Kid or its current clones/rip-offs! Middle schoolers need something just for them. Hopefully this book lets them be middle schoolers, not dating, kissing, getting pregnant, etc. like in actuality in many schools around the country.

  6. Amber July 21, 2011 11:22 am

    For the love of all that is holy, Submitter, DON’T discard Space Station Seventh Grade! Spinelli is an EXCELLENT author, and if I were building a middle school collection it would totally be in the stacks, along with his other titles: Maniac Magee, Crash, Star Girl, Wringer, etc. Spinelli is an author who really, REALLY gets kids and how they think. And he typically steers away from tons of slang, so his books remain relevant through the decades. I read Maniac Magee and Space Station Seventh Grade in the very late 90s (when the 80s were totally uncool), and I wasn’t thrown off by any slang. Not to mention the ideas in his books are fantastic, and usually WAY more insightful than the usual “gosh, being 13 is hard/gosh, I like that girl” and so on.

    Seriously, it’s like saying Beverly Cleary is irrelevant to elementary school kids just because Ramona riffs on the “can’t believe I ate the whole thing” commercial for one of her school projects. Though when I read the book I had no idea what the hell that riff was about, I adored Ramona as a kid. The whole book wasn’t drenched in pop culture, and neither is Spinelli’s collected works.

    If it IS weeded, for goodness sake replace it with a newer copy at the very least, don’t toss it in the forever gone pile!

  7. Elita @ Blacktating July 21, 2011 11:32 am

    I’m heartbroken that anyone would put Norma Klein on a worst ANYTHING list. I know we are judging just by the covers, but honestly, I don’t even find the cover that bad. Considering how popular babywearing is today, the cover could be updated and instead of the baby in a backpack, she’d be in a front carrier. Norma Klein was just as fantastic a writer as Judy Blume, IMO, and her depictions of teenage romances were spot on. I devoured her books as a tween and I cried when she passed away.

  8. Zoe July 21, 2011 11:35 am

    I don’t think that we should make assumptions about the boy on the cover of ‘Anything to Win.’ He may also be trying to impress the other boy….sure seems like the guy in the background is interested, at any rate.

  9. Stephanie Scott July 21, 2011 11:41 am

    I think out of all these, Space Station Seventh Grade is the most salvagable. If it got a reprint with a new cover it could totally work. The one with the ice skating clown girl is just so bad. I stared at my screen for a bit wondering if I was seeing it right.

  10. Jami July 21, 2011 11:52 am

    I didn’t read books like this in the 80s because I was already reading at a college level back then. However, we have – or had It’s No Crush, I’m In Love! – at my library where I work. If I remember correctly – because sometimes I’d get curious and flip open, reading random spots in the books to see what I “missed” growing up by not reading what other kids my age were reading – the teacher not only never notices her, but he turns out to have a pregnant wife.

    Or I could be thinking of another book where a girl student develops a crush on a teacher. There were a few like that.

  11. Keri July 21, 2011 12:10 pm

    My college creative writing professor wrote one of those books! I’m not saying which one. :)

    Space Station Seventh Grade has definitely been reprinted with a much better cover.

    I read it a few years ago, and do not recall it being absurdly dated but I did enjoy the sequel Jason and Marcelline much more.

  12. Thoughtful Teacher July 21, 2011 12:31 pm

    “the teacher who is chewing on the tip of his glasses with a thoughtful expression on his face.”

    Funny, that thoughtful expression made me assume the *teacher* suddenly realizing he is in love.

  13. Masha July 21, 2011 12:47 pm

    OMG. The girl on the cover of Anything to Win — the artist TOTALLY used Elvis as a starting point. Is she supposed to be all shook up about the boy’s steroid use?

  14. Melanie July 21, 2011 2:04 pm

    InfoPump, we’re apparently both employed by the same Library system. I’m requesting a copy of Space Station Seventh Grade RIGHT NOW because, frankly, I think it’s worth rereading :) So I’ll pay my younger self a little visit. So check the OPAC; it now has holds!

  15. Sandra July 21, 2011 2:26 pm

    From the excerpt, I had to find more info on It’s No Crush, I’m in Love. I was surprised to find that not only was it a book, but it was also an ABC Afterschool Special starring a young Cynthia Nixon: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0425144/. They changed up the storyline quite a bit, but it still has the same crush on teacher plot.

  16. Mangraa July 21, 2011 2:27 pm

    So..why, exactly, is the cover for Space Station 7th Grade “inappropriate”? Or was the submitter saying the actual story was inappropriate? At first glance, I thought it was 3 older kids making fun on the younger one for combing his hair or something, leading to taunting the smaller kid about being gay (regardless of if he was or wasn’t) Look at the limp-wrist-action on the boy on the left! That’s total making-fun-of behavior!

    Anyway, so…why is it “inappropriate”? Forgive me if I seem clueless, but I never read books like these when in Jr. High or elementary…the large font and banal stories were kind of…dull and insulting to most.

  17. dabrota July 21, 2011 2:30 pm

    23 pounds in 10 days? Damn, is that even possible?

    Also, the girl on the cover of Star Shine looks like she is in the process of breaking her ankle.

  18. moklspa July 21, 2011 2:33 pm

    funny

  19. Erika July 21, 2011 2:53 pm

    I was going to defend Norma Klein but Elita said it better a few posts above.
    I highly recommend Domestic Arrangements for the uninitiated.

  20. Derek J. Goodman July 21, 2011 3:14 pm

    I should point out that my middle-school aged cousin counts Spinelli as one of his favorite writers, so Space Station Seventh Grade has probably stood the test of time. Just not the cover.

  21. MM July 21, 2011 4:14 pm

    Some of the libraries in my system have the 1982 print of Space Station Seventh Grade…a lot, actually.

  22. J July 21, 2011 7:34 pm

    Count me in the Norma Klein club. I also recommend “It’s OK if You Don’t Love Me.” Her style and reputation were similar to that of Judy Blume, and it is sad to see her book on this particular list.

    My childhood is flashing before my eyes, admittedly, because all of these books are of the same vintage. I enjoyed me some Constance C. Greene (though I never read Star Shine). And the Mazer book there–Mazer was a HUGE name in YA lit (Norma Fox Mazer and Harry Mazer; the latter apparently wrote this one).

    But I will admit there is an “Afterschool-Special” vibe to some of these covers!

  23. didi July 21, 2011 7:36 pm

    @ Mangraa, I was confused too about why Submitter found the cover inappriopriate. I am just curious as to why as well.

    Man, I don’t think i ever read any of these books or authors but I devoured kitschy 80s teen novels as a teen myself in the mid to late 90s (Though by senior year I grew to a much more sophisticated taste such as Toni Morrison and other authors of her stature) but around freshman year and sophomore year I know I read a host of books similar to these with wacky 80s covers (complete with bad drawings and colorful fonts) that our school library had. Some were good, some were ok and some were just plain terrible.

  24. Jami July 22, 2011 12:33 pm

    @Didi – because it looks like the boys are doing impersonations of stereotypical gay men. Until you read the book and then understand the scene actually involves a female teacher, people are going to think the other. And you know how uber sensitive the PC-crowd can be.

  25. Dani July 22, 2011 1:39 pm

    Still howling over the backpack babies’ faces.
    Gee, there must have been something in the water in the 80s. (Shudders in sympathy…)

  26. Jami July 22, 2011 4:37 pm

    See, for me the one that gets me is “Oh, Rick!” Losing that much weight in such a short period of time can be done, but only with a very unhealthy crash diet/diet pill combo. Second, it gives the idea that people can only see the real you if you fit into society’s standards of beauty. As a fat teenager that book would’ve done a lot of harm to my already failing self esteem.

    Now if she had lost the weight in a reasonable amount of time and after going to a doctor to find out reasons she could be overweight – IE: Thyroid troubles, Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, allergies (yes, allergies have been linked to obesity – the inflamation slows down your metabolism) – it would be different. But no, she goes to a “fat farm” and gets thin. Yeah, that’s really a possitive message.

  27. Donna July 22, 2011 8:49 pm

    Funny enough, Space Station Seventh Grade was one of my daughter`s required reading books for the summer(entering middle school). She enjoyed it and said it was a great read, even though there was a bit of `lovey dovey` stuff in it.

  28. Shoshana July 23, 2011 12:03 am

    Ah the 80′s…

    I hate to admit that I recognize quite a few of these titles from our high school library that I work at and that’s after a major weed just a few years ago!

    “Oh Rick” caught my eye because our kids check that one our A LOT, along with the other Fastback books by Bunting. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, there are more!

  29. Ro July 25, 2011 4:46 am

    “Space Station Seventh Grade” sounds awesome. It’s about being twelve AND being on a space station! I would have loved it when I was nine, I’m sure.

  30. Kristen July 26, 2011 3:58 pm

    I used to own a copy of “Anything to Win”! What a flashback!

  31. Sarah August 2, 2011 8:59 pm

    I loved Space Station Seventh Grade and can recall reading it *many* times as a middle schooler! The standout thing I remember about the book? A graphic zit popping scene. I also adored No More Saturday Nights, a book I ended up owning in hardcover due to it getting lost in my house and finally having to pay the library for it. Someday thirty years from now people will be laughing like crazy at books from the 2000s!

  32. Dany August 4, 2011 10:20 am

    I remember reading Oh Rick in the 7th grade. That was back in 99 or 2000. I think the only thing that could be taken away from the story was that if you loose weight you attract boys. And even then I thought that wasn’t the best message to be sending.

  33. Tammy August 5, 2011 4:36 pm

    I HAD that “It’s no crush, I’m in love” book! Wow, I remember reading that book and thinking “Oooh scandalous!” Now I see how cheesy it really was!

  34. Leigha August 7, 2011 10:33 pm

    Is it just me but does Mom (on the cover of Star Shine) look like she’s about to break her ankle?

  35. Julie August 8, 2011 3:03 pm

    My husband’s name is Rick and, “Oh!” am I having fun tormenting him with this! I may print the cover and frame it for him.

  36. Jen April 22, 2012 11:41 pm

    LOL! I LOVED Space Station Seventh Grade! I checked it out from our middle school library and promptly lost it. I was so upset. That was the very first book I ever lost. I remember dying of laughter reading it…my son will be in 7th grade next year…I should find a copy of that for him to enjoy :) Thanks for the trip down memory lane.

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